Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The Faces of Online Dating
I've determined that there are at least five types of men out there in the online dating or electronic hook-up world, four of which I've met in the last couple of weeks. The first type are the Snooze Fest guys. Poor communicators, they quickly fall into a pattern of repetition, mostly asking how your day went and nothing else. Every single day. My advice to gentlemen who fall into the Snooze Fest category is plain and simple: read the profile of the girl in which you're interested. If she's got any semblance of personality or communication skills herself, she's spent some time including at least one bit of information of which you could ask her a question. Okay, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, maybe she has absolutely nothing to spark an interrogative statement. Did she list what city she lives in? Ask her how long she's lived there; ask her if she likes living there; ask her if her family lives there or did she move there on her own? Repeated boring emails eventually equal no response. If we met in a bar, would you stand next to me, turn to face me every five minutes and ask me how my day has been, over and over and over again? No. No, you wouldn't.
The third type of guy is the Overkill Guy. These guys can sometimes blur the line between Overkill and Snooze Fest. Overkill Guys barrage you with contact from the get-go, asking for your phone number immediately, texting you non-stop as if you've known each other for years, getting offended when you don't respond as quickly as they are and usually fizzling out with little warning. You don't really mind their disappearance because you never knew anything about them other than their phone number anyway. Advice? Communicate. Inspire some reason for me to want to text/call you. Give me something to talk about other than "Hi, it's Melanie from (Insert Online Dating Site Here)." Establish a foundation and let me know that you were inspired to communicate with me based on something other than my photo. And then back off a little! Not everyone stays logged into their online dating profile around the clock. Thankfully. And some of us are balancing more than one site at a time, so this would be virtually impossible anyway. You know, if I was doing that... Not saying I am. Oh hell...
Fourthly, you'll easily find the Won't Take "No" For An Answer Guy. As a Singleton who isn't exactly batting them away with a stick, this is a hard concept for me to grasp. I've learned that just because someone contacts you online doesn't mean you're obligated to reply back with sentiments of interest. It is okay to not be interested in communicating with one or more of the millions of people with online profiles. So, when I politely say that I feel as though our profiles aren't compatible, that means "try your luck elsewhere," not "keep sending me messages asking me if I want to chat on a daily basis." I'm not going to open my inbox on the third, fourth or fifth message and suddenly realize you're the man of my dreams. You either come across desperate or unable to keep track of all the women you're sending chat requests to. Words of wisdom to these guys: stop wasting your time. I'm sure there are women out there that would like to chat with you. You're missing out on them by repeatedly contacting girls that have been courteous enough to help you not waste your time.