Three days of a borderline down-in-the-dumps mentality has created this strange, sinister sarcasm in me. And honestly, a bit of a flippant attitude towards the whole dating freak show. With this mindset, I'm incredibly tempted to rewrite all of my online dating profiles. I mean, they tell you to be truthful, so why not be full-on honest? So, here goes:
About me: I'm a 29 year old Atlanta-transplant who enjoys reading, traveling, politics, writing, random road trips, loves animals and children, is trying to live a faith-filled life, doesn't smoke, drinks socially, and my parents are still married to each other (for some reason, this is important to a lot of people...?). <-the real version is a bit more involved than this; consider this a Cliffs' Notes version.
About my match: At this point, nothing you can say can surprise me. I've met men who tell me I talk too much, men who tell me I don't talk enough, men who tell me I am overly critical, men who assume I want to marry them after the first date, men who act like they want to marry me after the first date, men who I've freaked out, men who've freaked me out, borderline stalkers, men who disappear off the face of the earth with little to no (believable) explanation, men who can't write a complete sentence and speak in text-speak, men who are eloquent writers but do nothing but talk about themselves and inflate their own egos, men who don't look anything like their online profile pictures, men who've told me I'm cheap, men who want to use me for my professional connections (This is new...I'll come back to this one), men who have sent me completely inappropriate text messages or photographs, men who are technically still married to the last girl they met online, men who can't commit to anything beyond text messages, men who tell me that they aren't interested because I'm plus-sexy, men who are only interested because I'm plus-sexy, men who are religious zealots, men who have no religion whatsoever, men who take me to dinner and tell me that I've been in the bathroom for too long, men who take me to dinner and tell me I have to get water to drink or "we'll be washing dishes" (direct quote), men who ask me if I'd like to meet them in "Hogsmeade for a tall glass of butterbeer," men who only complain to me about how horrible their ex was, men who make me drive halfway around the state to meet them so they can literally almost walk to dinner... So, if you feel like you have something to offer other than any of the above mentioned characteristics, please contact me. Right now.