Thursday, September 23, 2010

"I See Bad Online Daters..."

I'm losing steam, people.  I know what's going to happen.  One day, someone is going to find me rocking back and forth on the floor of my bedroom.  Clutching a laptop, I will be drooling and mumbling something like "" under my breath.  My hair and clothing will most definitely be disheveled, closely resembling that of the girl from The Ring.  No one will be able to understand a word I say, but as the men in white coats glance back through my History on Internet Explorer, they'll be able to assuredly contribute my demise to online dating.  I'm pretty sure it will eventually be a checkable option printed on all in-take forms at most insane asylums.

A few weeks ago, I was strangely persuaded to make a go at,'s newest online dating endeavor designed specifically for those people with long-term relationship and/or marriage intentions.  Sounds peachy!  After weeks of actively maintaining my presence on this new site, I've had contact with one man.  We'll call him Mr. Forward.  Mr. Forward is a recently divorced Atlantan who is moderately attractive (according to his pictures...remember Mr. Braves Fan? Yeah, taking it with a grain of salt.) and who actually gave me the benefit of the doubt, responding to an introduction email I sent him without having seen my pictures.  Had he not shared that my profile was lacking them, I probably wouldn't have known.  Apparently, you have to click another button to make your pictures public after you upload them (who posts private pictures?!).  I appreciated his open mindedness and responded with my usual initial conversation sprinkled with a light helping of getting-to-know-you questions.  He responded within a few hours.

In said response, he told me that he doesn't usually date women of his own race, but was willing to go out on a limb.  Thanks?  He also told me that he is very inquisitive and likes to ask women a lot of questions right off the bat.  Finally!  Exactly what I've been waiting for!  No more "How is your day?" or "What's for dinner?" boring emails/texts!  I read on.  He'd included a list of questions in bullet format and started with the basics:  "What's your favorite food?", "What kind of music do you listen to?," all building up to the heavy hitters.  He followed his general inquisition with a much more scandalous one:  "If we were in love, what would you do with me tonight?", "If you could choose between the following, what would it be:  cuddling on a couch, making out in a car or having sex on a rock in the middle of a stream?" and "Do you agree with traditional gender roles, such as the woman staying home and maintaining the household while the husband goes out and earns the bacon?"  Oh, Mr. Forward.  You've asked the wrong girl.

Completely overlooking the blatant overstepping of using the word "love" in the second email and even more so using the word "sex," the first thing that jumped to my attention was his last question.  Now, I will be honest and say that I did some assuming here based on how he worded the question.  Had he asked what I thought about traditional gender roles and not if I agreed with them, I would have been a bit less sharp-tongued. (Sidenote:  who enjoys sex on a rock in the middle of a stream?  Is that meant to be romantic?  Because personally, I'd imagine you'd end up with a lot of cuts, bruises, scrapes, and other physical maladies that would all trump whatever split-second romance was involved.  Plus, where is he going that there are human body sized rocks?!?).  I was happy to share my opinion on "traditional" gender roles.

As someone who watched my mother be a stay-at-home mom of her own choice for my entire life, I was well aware that it was not the life for me upon becoming conscious that there were other options for women.  I commend stay-at-home mothers and completely agree that they contribute just as much as any full-time employee at any industry in the country.  But, it is not my life's calling.  I would never let my family suffer because of a job, but I completely need to feel like I am a contributing part of society, that my brain is being used for something other than keeping track of soccer practices, school snacks and bath times.  I can't wait to do all of those things, but I need an outlet, an area in which I can feel as though I'm making a difference in the world, not just in my house with my kids and husband.  I would go stir crazy in a matter of weeks.  I'd need other adult-interactions so that my marriage didn't suffer, so that I had things to talk to my husband about other than what kind of trouble the kids got into at school that day.  I know that many times the responsibilities of the household fall upon the woman and that it happens sometimes without anyone realizing its happening.  But, I know I can handle them and a job.  And feel that I shouldn't have to be the one to compromise my life's goals and aspirations simply because I'm the one with the uterus.

Now, I wasn't as direct in my response to Mr. Forward and surely did not use any anatomically correct terms.  I probably should have since he felt that it was appropriate to use certain language he chose, but I resisted and took the high road.  I simply told him in no uncertain terms that I did not agree with the "barefoot and pregnant" philosophy.  It's been days.  I've gotten no response.  I'm thinking I've received Rejection By Silence. 

What do you think about "traditional" gender roles, Singletons?  Would you be willing to give up your career to maintain a household?  Would you sacrifice to that extent if your spouse wanted you to (male or female)?


  1. Sex on a rock? Seriously! Is that his idea of being mischievous?!

    Seriously, though, as an eternal singleton I can't imagine giving up my hard earned career to stay at home so that my husband could pursue his career. It's supposed to be about give and take, right? I mean, why go to university for whatever amount of years to not actually do anything with your degree other than wash dishes and hoover the house?? I actually came across a pamphlet from 1938 a few weeks back. Its published by the Irish Catholic Church and sets out guidelines on how to be a good wife!! There's more about it over on my blog (a woman's place is in the home? post), but it pretty much says that women who jab careers are to be pitied!

  2. @Ramblings, I love the way you talk! I spent a summer in England a few years ago and wished that we said words like "hoover." I agree... I want to be it all, and I know I can be a devoted mother, wife and career professional. To deny me of that would make me miserable. And in turn, make HIM miserable. :)

  3. When I first graduated from college and was happily single, I would never have gone on a second date with a guy who suggested that I give up my career to be a stay at home mom. But once I hit my late 20's and was in a long-term relationship, I woke up one day and realized that somewhere along the line, I had changed my mind. It may be due to the fact that I "gave up" my career as a teacher and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Even though I'm content with the job I have now, if my husband and I decided to start a family, I'd probably start counting down the time until I would be free of the stress and hassles of working a full-time job. But the grass is always greener on the other side, so after a few weeks, I may be desperately scanning the want ads instead of enjoying the role of domestic goddess!

  4. that's so interesting that plentyoffish made a kind of 'more intense' dating site... i like the concept of it though... and good job sticking strong with mr.forward. it's better to start off with all your cards on the table and that way there's no surprises down the road!!

    xx, dee

  5. I never thought I'd get married or have kids up until I was 25 when I decided that I wanted both. And when we have kids I would like to be a stay at home mom but either have a part time job or volunteer somewhere to use my brain and make interesting conversation. We both grew up with our mom's at home but my mom ran an at home day care and his mom was a part time nurse. I do think you need more than just to stay at home to have a fulfilling life. Yeah, and at least he was forward about his thoughts. You don't have to waste your time on him anymore.

  6. Thanks, everybody... I wonder if my view will change too once I get married and get in the "domestic goddess" mindset. Although, I think if I had a job instead of a career, I'd probably be more likely to consider the possibility of giving it up, especially if I didn't enjoy it and it stressed me out. And volunteering is an excellent idea. Still an empty inbox, so I'm thinking fate sealed the deal on this guy without requiring a formal rejection!

  7. Melanie, there are much worse things than being single with all of the jerks and weirdos out there!

  8. Oh, I know it. I'd much rather be single than say, clean out sewer pipes for a living or have my entire body covered in hair like a Sasquatch. I think this blog needs some inspiration...maybe a guest post from a fellow blogger who found online dating success? ;)

  9. At this day and age, I can stay at home. But without the duo income, my future husband might have to have 2 jobs. Assuming that he is a regular white collar staff.

    However, if he can afford it, sure...why not? I might want to volunteer in church to keep up with the times and society.


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