Now, taking into consideration that these aren't explanations for my serial first date status, it does help me understand my history with men in general. Although, it goes against everything I've ever known. To me, if you love someone, you should shower them with attention and displays of your affection, but...well, I won't ruin the article. But! I will say that, although I have dogged Ms. Raye previously for her "advice," I think she does a good job of breaking down why this showering and displaying might not be the best approach when dating. Maybe I should save all that for when the initial pursuit is over. Well, I'll let you read it, and you can be the judge. Can I comment as we read? Of course I can; it's my blog.
How To Show Him You're A Great Catch
By Rori Raye Author of best-selling eBook 'Have The Relationship You Want' and free newsletter
So you've finally met a man you really like and can see yourself having a relationship with him. Wait, he called me? He asked me out for a second date?! Finally, holy cow. You should make an effort to show him you're a real find, right? I'm assuming he's not already aware of that, so yes, yes, I should.
Actually, no. Oh. The fantastic thing about being a woman is that getting a man to see how wonderful you are doesn't involve any effort at all. In fact, it's all about simply being, not doing. Wait, what?
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU DO, IT'S WHAT YOU ARE
When we meet a great guy, we women often try to do, do, do whatever we can to make him see what a great catch we are. We'll go out of our way to do things for a man, plan outings together, and sometimes even say yes to things he wants that go against what we want. That's been the basic plot of my life for about ten years now. Handmade cards, notes on car windows, random texts, evening plans of all things that interest him...
You can't convince a man to fall in love. Living proof of that. But you can lead him there by connecting to his heart. One of the most powerful ways to do this is to let yourself be guided by your feminine energy rather than your masculine. Feminine energy is about being instead of doing. When you focus on simply being in the moment and enjoying a man's company and attention, you automatically shift your vibe so that he can step into the masculine, doer role. See, my problem here is finding a man that wants to be the doer. Being the doer would require taking initiative, and lately I can hardly get them to respond to an email. I'll keep reading, though...
To do that, you must first be open to receive. Oh, I'm open, Rori. I'm so open...
A GREAT CATCH LETS A MAN GIVE TO HER My God, wouldn't that be nice?!
Inspiring a man to see you as the one woman he wants to be with forever is all about you being able to receive love.
Hello, my name is Melanie and I'm a shower-er. The first step is acknowledging I have a problem. This, friends, this is what I do. What I do wrong.
When you are open to receiving from a man, you are sending a message that you value yourself - you believe you are worthy of his time, attention, gestures, and ultimately his love. So resist the temptation to prove your worth by giving and instead create the space for him to give to you. Well, see, I don't think I do it to prove my worth...well, maybe at first. I think I eventually do it as a display of affection. Like "see how much I like you, I'm willing to do everything you could possibly ask of me." But, by starting on this path in the first place, I'm only leading myself into Friend/Mother Zone, absolutely not the intended direction.
A GREAT CATCH SETS BOUNDARIES HE NEEDS TO RESPECT Easier said than done, Rori...
Men are competitive creatures who value what they have to work hard to get. If he gets a sense that you're completely devoted to him with very little investment on his part, he'll question your value. Wow, this is pretty evident in my life. Why am I just seeing this?
This means you do not give away exclusivity to a man until you have the commitment you want from him. Instead, you keep dating and meeting lots of different men so that you give yourself a chance to find out what you really want and need from a relationship. At the same time, you aren't prematurely cutting yourself off from your Mr. Right in case you haven't met him yet! I cut myself off for too long, Rori! Help me, help me!
When you keep the focus on yourself and keep yourself open to other men, you send the message loud and clear that you're a woman who puts herself first and that you are a prize. This elevates your "degree of difficulty" so he has to step up his game to get you all to himself...or risk another guy beating him to it. All right, now I want to hear from the guys...is this true? Or is this just some idealistic female perception of how you guys think?
A GREAT CATCH PUTS HERSELF FIRST I'm trying...I really am.
The most important thing to remember when you are dating a man and want him to realize how wonderful you are is to put your happiness first.
If you love taking a dance class every Thursday night, don't give it up just because he's in the picture and you don't want him to think you're not interested. Letting him know you have a life before him actually makes him more attracted to you - not just because you're not about to drop everything for him, but because people who are passionate about their interests are interesting people!
So, tell him, "It would feel so great to see Thursday, but I have my dance class that night, and I love it. I'm free Tuesday or Friday." Then ask him what he thinks. It might feel a little scary to do this with a guy you really like, but the right guy will gladly re-arrange his plans to see you. Why? Because you've just proven you're a great catch he has to woo and win. But when does this stop? When do you start considering that you might be excluding him from being a part of your life by being so rigidly scheduled and inflexible?
I wonder what the reverse of this is for men. How do men show us that they're a great catch? If I keep thinking about this, I might be a bit more critical of Ms. Raye's latest contribution to online dating strategics. This article does imply that the burden is on the man to pursue us, which of course, as a female, is fine with me. But, is it realistic in this day and age? What do you think, Singletons? How about you Marrieds? What approach did you take to win the attention and affection of your significant other?
Writer's note: To give credit where credit is due, here is information about the author. Rori teaches women how to break out of the patterns that have been keeping them from truly connecting with a man's heart so that they can experience deep intimacy. To learn specific ways you can step out of the "doing" role in your relationship and into the more feminine energy "feeling" role that is so alluring and magnetic to a man, subscribe to Rori's free e-newsletter. You'll discover even more effortless ways to let a man know he's lucky to have you.