Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Ask the Experts - Response #2

Since I completely lied to you and my bitterness wound has not stopped oozing yet after the 24 hours I asked you to grant me, I decided that a guest post was in order!  Nice Guy has returned, at my request, to answer a question that is about as important and debated as that old "chicken vs. egg" argument.  And you all know how much I love the male perspective.  Enjoy!

Melanie has asked me to discuss male/female friendships and the guy’s point of view.

Ah, the age old question. You would think that after all this time people should know the answer, but it’s probably more complicated then we think. I will admit that this was a much harder topic to write about than I had first thought when Melanie proposed that I try to tackle it. Since obviously I can only look at this from a guy’s perspective, I’ll do my best to explain myself and what goes on in my head when I am hanging out with the opposite sex.

Whoops, I said it. Yeah, a guy thinks about sex. A lot. That shouldn’t be much of a shock, right? I mean, aren’t there episodes of Sex in the City about that? (I honestly wouldn’t know.) Not that I would suggest that we all get our advice from the boob tube. While a well written show can certainly make you think, I don’t believe it is the best idea to get my advice from fictional characters designed to entertain us. But, guys thinking about sex should be pretty obvious to a woman.

Before I go any further, I need to let everyone know that I have female friends. Probably about as many as I do male ones. I don’t play out elaborate fantasies in my head. I feel pretty comfortable around them, and I certainly trust myself to not do anything stupid. I value all of my friendships, and I would not want to jeopardize it because we are obviously friends for a reason. So, I do believe that there can be platonic friendships between men and women. We just shouldn’t be so naive to not realize that there isn't some potential for sexual attraction or tension.

But anyway, back to the sex part.

I really have to be careful how I say this, and I hope I am successful in my intention, because guys don’t get all perv for you. Any heterosexual guy that is around you has at some point thought about something sexual-ish about you. I’m not necessarily talking full on imagine-you-in-the-sack, thinking about sex. It’s more of an appreciation of what physical characteristics you possess. Of course, it can also be more than just the physical. I’ve certainly been attracted to personalities before.

And that’s okay!

If you have not caught on yet, one common theme that I like to reiterate in all of my posts here is that while human instinct and emotional reactions are okay, above all we have evolved with the ability of higher thought. We humans have the capacity to use logic and reason. We weigh pros and cons. And while mistakes will inevitably be made in life, we have to have the maturity to be able to take responsibility for our actions.

I do think that both men and women can get a lot out of a platonic friendship. When men are around other men and there is the rare event we talk about our feelings, most of the time there is a manly punch to the shoulder and the advice to “Man Up”. Which, don’t get me wrong, it can be incredibly helpful advice sometimes. However, most of my relationships that I have with my friends of the female persuasion tend to have a greater degree of collective introspection. I have probably realized more about myself with the help from honest advice of my closest female friends than from any other source. I cherish a few women in my life for that.

-Nice Guy

Like Nice Guy's guest posts?  Check out his own personal blog, Nice Guy Shenanigans.


  1. Thank you for the insight, Nice Guy!

  2. Why is it that male friends decide that you are a couple all at once? But the problem is they forget to tell you. They start using the term us all the time and act like you're only suppose to hangout with them.
    Tell me how I can stop this from happening. I've had it happen with the same friend twice. He says we are just friends and then he acts like he owns me. Help.


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