Friday, September 24, 2010

Serial Singleton Seriousness

I don't get it, Singletons, I just don't get it.  Remember earlier in the summer when I said I was playing some cards close to my chest?  Yeah, laying those bad boys out on the table today for the world to see, and I ain't bluffing.  I've decided after several futile attempts to be successful by keeping it out of the blog, it's time to let it go and set it free for all of the blogosphere to enjoy (and critique).  Enjoy, Singletons.

So, at the beginning of the summer, I hesitatingly allowed a friend of mine to do an electronic set-up.  She'd talked up a friend of hers for years, but we'd never met, and she assured me that we'd not only get along, but probably even really hit it off.  We both liked to pick on her, so that was an instant conversation-starter, and she was confident in the fact that we'd at least be friends.  Okay, okay, I thought, I'll give it a chance.  After three years of coaxing, I figured I had nothing to lose and was already in the throws of online dating, so one more character in the cavalcade wouldn't make much difference.

It was like a glimmer of hope.  As he worked for several months overseas, we maintained an almost constant stream of communication via email, starting through Facebook and then transitioning to emails of novel-length proportions.  We had this really unique old fashioned pen pals meets modern-day technology way of getting to know each other.  As I fought off the ridiculous stream of boring and laborious emails from online daters, an email from Mr. Overseas was always welcome and turned into some of the high points of my daily internet activity.  We talked about everything and kept it at a friendly, easygoing level.  I was excited about his return to the States and so was our mutual friend. 

At several points and pretty early on, we talked about meeting in person, so a week after his return, we met for dinner.  Everything was surprisingly normal.  Unlike previous men who'd asked to spend an evening with me, Mr. Overseas was polite and courteous, following the traditions of dating to the letter.  He picked me up at home; he opened doors for me; he was dressed appropriately; we had great conversation for hours and hours over a relaxed and comfortable dinner; he drove me home and walked me to my door.  I was shocked.  Gentlemen still existed, thank goodness!  Within the next few hours, I decided that it had in fact been a very successful meeting, and I hadn't noticed any red flags as I had with previous dinner partners.  I was optimistic and hoped that he'd enjoyed the evening too.  Much to my surprise, I received another confirmation of his ability to follow dating protocol and received a text message the following morning sharing that he too had had a great time.  Wonderful!  I replied and hoped that this common enjoyment would result in a second date (finally, holy cow, what a dry spell!). 

And then it happened.  Well, actually it didn't happen is a more precise way to put it.  Nothing happened.  Days turned into weeks and I received absolutely no communication from Mr. Overseas.  We went from multiple daily exchanges to nothing literally overnight.  Radio silence.  As the time rapidly approached for a prior agreed upon meet-up with our mutual friend and her boyfriend for a local sporting event, I got nervous.  I asked her in my usual subtle and eloquent way:  "Did I freak him out?"  I didn't want him to feel obligated to take me to this game nor did I want to subject myself or our mutual friend to hours of social torture.  She explained to me that she thought he did really enjoy his evening with me but that he might be worried that he was the more vulnerable of the two of us in this potential situation.  Reassuring her that I wasn't eyeballing any bridal gown shops or considering an elopement to Ringgold any time soon (insider Georgia joke, sorry), I got the idea that I might have given off the impression that I wasn't the kind of girl that men casually date.  In other words, to him, I might have reeked of desire for a relationship.  And although everything seemed in place to have potential, I had in fact "freaked him out."

Convinced by my friend to attend the game and just have a good time, I did, only because New Melanie isn't taking things as seriously as Old Melanie used to.  I had a good time, the game was great, the conversation was a bit awkward at first, but once everyone loosened up a bit, we fell right back into the same groove we'd had at our first meeting.  I thought that maybe this second "date" would, at the very least, keep the ball rolling towards establishing a friendship and see what happened from there, which was all I really wanted in the first place.  I was optimistic again and considered that maybe I just needed to take the wheel a little bit and steer this thing in a more comfortable direction for both of us.  Later that night, I texted Mr. Overseas and thanked him for the game and said that I had a great time.  He immediately responded that he was glad I enjoyed it and that he'd had fun too.  Okay...this all felt familiar. And then it happened again.  Weeks later now and nothing.  No Facebook chats, no Facebook messages, no status comments, no phone calls, no emails.  Nothing.

So, the writing on the wall is pretty clear.  For whatever reason, I was rejected double-time.  But, I don't get the hot and cold mentality.  After months of emailing when we were both well aware of the fact that this was an attempted set-up, wouldn't you think that a reason for this disappearance would be considerate?  Even if he said that he liked me but thought we'd be better friends or the old "It's not you, it's me" line would suffice.  Even if he didn't like me at all and was completely repulsed by me, falling off the face of the earth twice is odd behavior.  Is the burden on me to continue our communication and I'm the one dropping the ball?  It's okay if he didn't like me; I'm a big girl, I can handle it.  He's not the first guy who didn't have visions of matrimony with me, nor I'm sure will he be the last.  At this point, the level of disappointment is pretty sky high, not for the loss of a potential dating situation, but for the activities of the person who was pretty honest, upfront and straightforward with me throughout the summer.  Someone that I clearly defined as "normal" in most conversations in which I was describing him let me down with very abnormal (but typical of the men I've met over the last few months) behavior.

What am I doing wrong here?!?


  1. I don't think men know what they want anymore. All I can say is that it's his loss. You are a smart, attractive young lady with alot to offer some lucky man. I guess it's not
    Mr Overseas lucky day!


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