Friday, July 8, 2011
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
The reasons behind this particular post are a combination of date-relevant and personal-life-relevant. To some, the date-relevance might seem like a bit of a stretch, but others will jump right on board.
To give you some background, this was a big week for me. I enjoyed the company of some wonderful people over the Fourth of July weekend and truly had an awesome time. I've had a much shorter commute to work, thanks to a friend, and overall, things have been peachy. I got an all-expense paid ticket to a Braves game last night and they won, basically rubbing the opponent's nose in their victory with a 9-1 final score. Everything I touch this week turns to gold. But, the real bell-ringer is that I was presented with a blessing that will allow me to be a bit more financially comfortable and to do some things that I really only dreamed about doing before Tuesday afternoon. Pretty amazing how things can look so different from one day to the next.
This sudden and unexpected turn of financial events got my mind racing. What to do, what to do? And then it hit me. You know, after I weeded through all of the Dave-Ramsey-isms in my head. I intend to listen to them... a little. In February, I dove into something that I was unable to fulfill because of financial reasons. Head-first, I decided then that this was the right course of action for me and totally had the air let out of my balloon when I realized how much it was going to cost. A girl on a budget who works for a small, non-profit isn't really what you'd call "rollin' in it." So, it went to the back burner until one of those days when I happened to rub the right lamp somewhere and a genie popped out, ready to grant three of my top one-hundred wishes.
Now, that giant speed bump in the shape of a dollar sign has been eliminated. And I'm petrified at the reality of the decision. I know that I need to relax and resist the urge to make rash decisions, as if somehow my changed financial outlook might melt away or like there's a bonfire burning holes in my wallet. Granted, this winfall isn't enough to change the world or really change the rest of my life. It's something that could make some future decisions easier and definitely provide me with a nice, little, just-in-case cushion. But, if I make this particular decision with it, it could change my life.
Okay, so I know what you're thinking. Relax. No gender changes here. I'm quite satisfied with my feminity and like dresses, makeup and all other womanly accessories entirely too much to even fathom a team-change. And I like boys. A lot. Which hopefully isn't news to you, at this point. I'm considering a game-changer/life-changer and granted, it may be partially for the wrong reasons, but I'm considering it nonetheless.
I'm thinking of having weight loss surgery.
Besides my overall health and chances of living longer, which are the obvious and primary reasons, there's this little, lonely, single girl in the back of my mind saying "Do it, Melanie... do it." This little, lonely, single girl has tried diligently to overcome the stigma and stereotypes associated with plus-sexy women for years and continuously failed. She's exuded confidence, sported some dead sexy outfits, been friendly and outgoing, flirtatious and fascinating. But, she's scared to death she's never going to find someone who can see past the fact that she's not a size 6 and he will miss out on all of the wonderfulness she has to offer. Scared...to...death. But is that the reason that I'm not dating someone? Are men rejecting me because I'm plus-sexy? Sure. I know it for a fact. I'm sure it hasn't been the case with all of them, but I've heard "Well, Melanie's a sweet girl, but..." and "Well, she has a pretty face, but..." countless times. I'm not looking for pity or intending to wallow in self-deprecation, but, it's a fact and a part of my history in Singledom. Society creates an image of a man who dates a plus-sexy woman as one who has settled or has somehow lost the dating game and gotten stuck with the runt of the litter. The other side of that coin is that plus-sexy women should be grateful for whatever they can get and willing to settle for the first man who comes along regardless of what he has to offer. It's not fair. And I want out. I'm not the runt of the litter; I'm not someone to settle for; I'm freaking fantastic, but many times I have a plus-sexy wall between that fantastic and the men I'm trying to get through to.
So, there it is Singletons and Marrieds. There's my current "heart on my sleeve" moment. I'm not going to rush into the decision. Four days ago I didn't even think surgery would ever be a financial option for me, so to jump into it would be silly and shock my system. We'll see which way the wind blows. Maybe I'll just pay men to go with me on exotic vacations until the money runs out. I'm not above it. Or maybe I'll take my sister's advice and buy a house. Although she wants me to buy one in my hometown, two hundred miles away from my job. Houses are less expensive there, but that's one hell of a commute... Are men attracted to hot cars like women are? Maybe I'll buy some super sexy sportscar man magnet. We'll see... We'll see.