Wednesday, July 7, 2010

What to Expect When You're...Single

Over the last month or so, I've been shocked by the popularity of my blog and quite frankly blown away by the fact that (brace for it)...I am not alone!  I'm literally surrounded by Singletons, all sharing the same gripes, the same dreams, the same frustrations and the same successes(however moderate...we are still single).  But, I've been fascinated by the responses.  Some of my fellow citizens of Singledom are quite content with their status, happy to share all the positives of living the Single Life, while their counterparts lament, bemoan, cry out, and other verbs of misery.  While pondering these parallel opinions, I came up with a short list of the pros and cons of being single.

The Upsides to Being a Singleton:

1).  You can do whatever you want.
Don't sell this one short...think about it.  Being single allows you the flexibility to literally do whatever it is you want, whenever you want to do it.  Want to spend the entire day in your favorite pajamas, watch SoapNetwork and eat string cheese?  Do it!  There's no one there to make you feel guilty for not spending "quality" time with them or not keeping them entertained.

2).  You never have to share the remote. 
Or the DVR, for that matter.

3).  You can walk around your abode in whatever state you feel comfortable.
Again, highly valuable.  I bet most Marrieds would love to revisit the days of getting by wearing the holiest, ugliest, most faded thing in their drawer without a care of what anyone else thinks.  Ask around.

4). You don't have to remember anniversaries.
Or spend the money you've been saving for that Coach purse (What do men save up for? chainsaws? toolbelts? Could be why I'm single...) you've been eyeballing for months on a gift that will probably end up in the back of the closet anyway.

5).  The bed is all yours.
You don't have to worry about waking up with someone's elbow/stinky armpit/knee/cold nose/cold feet sticking into you.

6).  You can look...AND touch.
My favorite.

Things That Aren't So Great About Being Single:

1).  There's nobody there to remember things for you.
Spouses/significant others are handy at keeping tabs on things for you, I guess.  But, that also includes remembering things like the time you almost ran Grandma Neighbor off the road while cooing over the bunny rabbit hopping through the yard.

2).  Single Person = Single Income way around this one.  Unless you're loaded.  Then, who cares. 

3). The other side of the bed is cold.
Eh, get an electric blanket.

4).  The constant "So, are you dating someone?," "Are you married yet?," "What's wrong with you if you're not dating at your age?" barrage at most social functions.
Gives you great comedic opportunities.  I'm thinking my next response to this line of questioning will be something along the lines of "Well, we've got a date picked out, but it depends on how his parole hearing goes."

5).  The dread biological clock.
I don't think you gentlemen can even fathom what I'm talking about.  Hold on...what did you say? No, a little louder. I can't hear you over the ticking and the tocking.  But, then please refer to Upside #1...

6).  Things are more expensive for Singletons.
Honestly, they are.  Look at health insurance and tax deductions, just for starters.  Plus, there isn't a stand-by "I've got this" when you go to restaurants, sporting events, etc. 

Whew!  The list of Upsides was rapid fire.  This Singleton had no problem coming up with some perks of my position.  Amazingly, I had to really think about the downsides.  Not that I wouldn't love to be one half of a couple, but I hope I'm not too comfortable in my Singleton status that I don't adjust well to Coupledom.

Got more items for the list?  What's your favorite or least favorite part about being a one-man/woman show? 


  1. Even when you're married, the awkward social event questions become "When are ya'll going to have a baby?", "when can we throw a shower for you?"....I finally had it one day and said "I'm barren, that's why." She never asked again.. :)

  2. Oh my goodness, Colleen. That's not funny, but I could totally see you saying it, and it make me laugh out loud.

  3. Ugh I hate the why are you single question. Or, when you tell whoever why you're single then you're too picky. Well excuse the shit out of me for not being easy-squeezie-and-willing-to-pleasy.

    (ignore that last comment.)

    Anywho I dig the list though.

  4. Married doesn't always mean there is a second income. Many couples keep their money in different accounts. Most men now don't know a screw driver from a wrench, so no help there. Warm bed comes along with night farts & snoring. Yes insurance & taxes are higher, but if you add up all the cost of a husband...big boy toys & food alone cost more than the insurance.
    The walking around in your old cloths or even no cloths....if you are married to someone then you should be comfortable enough to wear whatever you would or wouldn't like too.
    As far as keeping up & remembering things...they don't do that either!
    I'm sure that many men agree with this, only the screwdriver & wrench would be a oven & a mixer.

  5. Worst part of being single, hands down, is the pervasive, nagging, and ever-present fear that I will always be single - that I will never find someone to share my life with, that I will always be alone.

    The loneliness would be the second biggest downside.

    The independence is pretty darn great, though.

  6. Great Blog today from the single 35 male prospective I am always pondering the postive and negative aspects of being single. I am always thinking about the exact same things on your list except biology clock Lol. but I am sure being married has postive and negative aspects as well so I am thankful for being single today and enjoying all its postive aspects.

  7. I like this list. I never understood the whole anniversary thing, but then again I'm not big on giving gifts. I like receiving gifts, though. :)

  8. @Neurotic...I should have put "receiving gifts without the expectation of giving them" on the list of pros!
    @Zach, thanks! The 35-single-male perspective is immeasurably valuable!
    @Anonymous, loneliness is tough. I work daily on filling my calendar with things to do, so much so that I value some personal time when I'm free. I'd rather have too much to do than to have time on my hands to think about being lonely.

    Thanks to everyone for this great feedback!

  9. I still wear my holiest, "ugliest" (it's not ugly to me but my husband and sister think it's hideous) shirt to bed that I've had since 1997. I also will watch SoapNet sometimes for hours on the weekends.

    It really, really stinks to always be asked when am I going to have a baby or if I already have any children. I am going to start saying what Colleen said.

    You have some great thoughts and great points, Melanie, and I loved your lists! Every week day I look forward to see if you have a new blog post up. Keep it up!

  10. Thanks, Mary! I still get a kick out of the fact that people are interested in my little ramblings. And that there are new people from the outside world reading everyday. I hope that I can continue to keep you all entertained and that you all keep giving me advice and wisdom!

    P.S. Your "ugliest" shirt story gives me hope. I have some of the ugliest ones in the world, but they are so crazy comfortable I might choose them over a guy, if he insisted I get rid of them! LOL

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