Wednesday, July 7, 2010
What to Expect When You're...Single
The Upsides to Being a Singleton:
1). You can do whatever you want.
Don't sell this one short...think about it. Being single allows you the flexibility to literally do whatever it is you want, whenever you want to do it. Want to spend the entire day in your favorite pajamas, watch SoapNetwork and eat string cheese? Do it! There's no one there to make you feel guilty for not spending "quality" time with them or not keeping them entertained.
2). You never have to share the remote.
Or the DVR, for that matter.
3). You can walk around your abode in whatever state you feel comfortable.
Again, highly valuable. I bet most Marrieds would love to revisit the days of getting by wearing the holiest, ugliest, most faded thing in their drawer without a care of what anyone else thinks. Ask around.
4). You don't have to remember anniversaries.
Or spend the money you've been saving for that Coach purse (What do men save up for? chainsaws? toolbelts? Could be why I'm single...) you've been eyeballing for months on a gift that will probably end up in the back of the closet anyway.
5). The bed is all yours.
You don't have to worry about waking up with someone's elbow/stinky armpit/knee/cold nose/cold feet sticking into you.
6). You can look...AND touch.
Things That Aren't So Great About Being Single:
1). There's nobody there to remember things for you.
Spouses/significant others are handy at keeping tabs on things for you, I guess. But, that also includes remembering things like the time you almost ran Grandma Neighbor off the road while cooing over the bunny rabbit hopping through the yard.
2). Single Person = Single Income
Hmm...no way around this one. Unless you're loaded. Then, who cares.
3). The other side of the bed is cold.
Eh, get an electric blanket.
4). The constant "So, are you dating someone?," "Are you married yet?," "What's wrong with you if you're not dating at your age?" barrage at most social functions.
Gives you great comedic opportunities. I'm thinking my next response to this line of questioning will be something along the lines of "Well, we've got a date picked out, but it depends on how his parole hearing goes."
5). The dread biological clock.
I don't think you gentlemen can even fathom what I'm talking about. Hold on...what did you say? No, a little louder. I can't hear you over the ticking and the tocking. But, then please refer to Upside #1...
6). Things are more expensive for Singletons.
Honestly, they are. Look at health insurance and tax deductions, just for starters. Plus, there isn't a stand-by "I've got this" when you go to restaurants, sporting events, etc.
Whew! The list of Upsides was rapid fire. This Singleton had no problem coming up with some perks of my position. Amazingly, I had to really think about the downsides. Not that I wouldn't love to be one half of a couple, but I hope I'm not too comfortable in my Singleton status that I don't adjust well to Coupledom.
Got more items for the list? What's your favorite or least favorite part about being a one-man/woman show?