Tuesday, August 17, 2010

To Those Who Wait

Last night, I received some wonderful news that a dear friend of mine who I have reconnected with (we knew each other before, but just actually started to be real friends here recently...back to story) got engaged this weekend.  Although I had spent most of Sunday morning with her at church, I had no idea that I was sitting next to a soon-to-be-engaged future Married.  Neither did she know that this momentous occasion was in her plans for the day.  Neither did her fiance for that matter, but that's what made it sweet.

I know I've come a long way.  Although Old Melanie would have been thrilled for my friend, a little part of me would have been envious.  Not jealous, there's a distinct difference.  To me, to be jealous would mean that I would want her man, in particular.  I've never had that situation arise in my life and hopefully never will.  Her man is her man and is lovely, but still, her man.  I would envy that she had "done everything right" to get to this place in her life.  That somehow she'd found the magic words or the keys to the gate of Coupledom.  That because she was prettier than me or smarter than me or more faithful than me, she had scored the ultimate prize.  Again, that didn't happen to New Melanie.

New Melanie was truly and down to her core ecstatic for her friend.  I knew deep-down that this friend has had the same doubts, the same second-guessing, the same thoughts of a potential lifetime of Singleton status at various points in her life.  We've shared these feelings and thoughts and she's encouraged me to hold out, that there IS someone out there whose path will eventually cross mine and all that waiting will pay off. Heck, the waiting will probably even make it so much better when it does come around.  Her willingness and openness to share such personal thoughts with me has been super encouraging because half (heck, who am I trying to kid?) about 90% of my aggravation has been that I have always thought that there was something wrong with me or that my Singleton status was somehow a result of shortcomings or imperfections or actions I did or didn't take.  Once I started talking about it out loud to the people around me, I realized that I am so far from alone.  I'm literally surrounded by people who have thought this same way and thought they were alone.  And many of them have ended up as Marrieds.  And that just because the men of my past haven't rushed to wed and bed me doesn't mean that there is something wrong with me.  (I have a lot of friends who will tell you that there is actually something wrong with the men, but that's another post for another day.)

So, I've come a long way, baby.  And it's a nice place to finally be.  I'm okay with all this silliness.  I may still get frustrated every now and then, but I have to have faith that it will happen when it's right and let go of the control (and if you know me, you realize how hard just saying that sentence is!).  I may still have a few more frogs in the line waiting for their kisses, but I'm pretty sure if I squint hard enough, I can see my prince down there...and he's waiting too.  Maybe we can meet in the middle...

P.S.  Congratulations, S!


  1. I completely understand how you used to feel, Melanie! I think people often mistaken sadness for jealousy. It's so easy to say, "Oh, you are just jealous!" than to really understand that someone may be hurting and want something so badly for themselves.

    I am happy that you feel revived! Keep it up and keep on writing!

  2. So I stumbled across your blog (who knows how, it was one of those wild link trails that I could never hope to repeat) and I'm hooked. I decided to not be a lurker and make a comment.

    I thought you might enjoy a song by Superchick called Song 4 Tricia. I like the short version better, but the last verse on the long version is cute (and applicable to this post.)
    Short version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EyaNnHNz0Q
    Long version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vv0y2oGs4tc


  3. Aww, cool, thanks Elizabeth! That was really cute and quite appropriate! I'm VERY glad you found my blog. That's why I do it...I feel like I need some outside perspective. I love my friends, but you know how dear friends can be sometimes. They're always on Team Melanie and sometimes I need some unbiased folks to say "uh, you're overreacting just a bit" or other great advice. So, I hope that this first comment will be the first of many!


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