Monday, August 16, 2010

On the Market

After much thought and pondering about my new revelation to dismiss all online dating options, I spent hours contemplating just how I was going to make this endeavor successful.  I've spent much of my life in pursuit of a partner, but very (obviously) unsuccessfully.  So, going back to my old ways isn't going to get me any further towards Coupledom than I was when I started this whole thing.  I know that I need to make conscious and very blatant changes in my habits and put myself in the places that I know will generate some type of change.  But, how? Where?  When?  Who?  Urgh.

My brain is a funny thing.  Once the initial frustration of ignorance wore off, I ran through a list of everything I'd done in my life that was successful:  job hunting being the one that primarily stuck out in my mind.  I haven't gone after many jobs that I truly wanted without reservation that I didn't land almost immediately.  (If I didn't land them, it's their loss, not mine...of course.)  I can honestly say that the ones that I didn't get all had a bit of doubt to them, whether or not I could actually do the work, wanted to make the drive, liked the people  interviewing me, etc.  But, when I put my mind to it and studied and practiced, I got it...with flying colors.  So, why not pursue a relationship the same way?

I've decided to make myself more marketable...just as I would if I were in the job market.  I intend to do things that will make me more attractive, on the inside and out, to catch the attention of those I'm interested in.  I will do things that give me interesting conversation-starters, participate in activities that make me a more well-rounded and fascinating individual.  I will focus on improving my looks and health by eating better and exercising more.  I'll read books about relationships and my own personality so that I can learn about this crazy world of Singledom and how to navigate myself into Coupledom.  I won't dress like I'm just rolled out of bed when I go to the grocery store anymore just in case I run into another Singleton who wants to know the best side dish for his dinner-for-one. You know the old saying...dress for the relationship you want.  I'm going to tell everybody I know that I'm on the market and looking.  'Cause you know that other saying, it's not what you know, it's who you know. 

But, although this is all well and good, it's like looking for a job with no destination in mind.  Other than bars, I have no idea where to go out and seek Singleton men.  I know Dr. Phil's "target-rich environment" philosophy, but are men really in hot pursuit of women while they're deciding which drill bit to buy at a Home Depot?  Where, Singletons and Marrieds, can I go to "run into" Singleton men?


  1. Hang out in friendlier places! If you go to a party where you know at least one person, that's your one connection to get to know more people. I met Ren at a friends little party and we've been together ever since :-) Another great place is church. You'll meet people trying to make their lives better like you are. Find a place that is more relaxed and seems less pretentious. You're more than welcome to come to our church! I think you're on the right track, though!

  2. I have actually just started a program to become a full member of my church. After I finish (it's a major time commitment), I intend to get more active. In the meantime, I may look to see if there are any singles''s a pretty big parish! Surely there are some other Singletons there...good idea!

  3. Not your scene probably...but my co-worker recently went to a sports restaurant/bar on one of those UFC fight nights and she said it was like the skies had opened and rained down men ;)

  4. For some reason I'm having a hard time grasping "Meet people at church" suggestion. I've been told the same thing. Now, thats not to say that its the same everywhere, but hasn't church become more of older married couple hangout? If I ever need a few more for couples for "scatagories" then Church is where its at. Is it a place to find a potential mate... well, I just don't feel convinced yet. But maybe I've just been to the wrong churches.

    I think just putting the extra effort into yourself is a good start. I will tell you that us single guys are on the look out ALL the time, no matter if its at Home Depot or a local watering hole.

    Its the darn ice-breaker thats killing us singles. How does the guy approach the girl without coming across as a jerk? But, (And I might go into this more at a later date) why does the guy always have to approach the girl?

    Try approaching guys that you find interesting and start a conversation. Us guys can be pretty dense sometimes, so do all those flirt things to get his attention. He just might realize that you are in to him before you beat him over the head with a club and drag him back to your cave.

    Of course, I know thats easier said than done.


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