Monday, August 23, 2010
Which came first: the friendship or the relationship?
Okay, Singletons, I'm just going to throw it out there. None of my usual witty banter or beating around the proverbial bush. Can men and women be just friends? Is there always going to be one within the friendship that really either deep down or outwardly has feelings for the other one that go way beyond buddy-status? Think back over your own history here and really assess this for me. Because I'm at a loss.
Recently, I've watched some things unfold that started with a base ingredient of male/female friendship and ended in a recipe for disaster. Although the problem has to do the oh-so-willingness to just chalk it up to the inability to control oneself in the midst of such naughtiness, let's take it to another level. If men and women can possibly muster up the maturity to be friends without any kind of dating mumbo-jumbo messing things up, is it feasible to continue that friendship or even to start a new one once one or both are married? I know that this question ultimately should generate a discussion on trust, but is it just as naive to blindly trust as it is to distrust?
I recently heard a local Atlanta radio celebrity discussing this topic on-air when he knew his wife was out of town and could not listen. (And she'll know now if she reads my blog, but that's probably a stretch.) He shared that his wife had recently rekindled an old friendship, and they were spending an exorbitant amount of time together, much like they had crushes on each other. You know how you are when there's a new person around, you can't seem to get enough of them. He told his wife that he was uncomfortable with the level of their friendship, and she immediately balked at the statement, assuming that he didn't trust her and thought that she would cheat on him. I see her point. But, reversely, his point was that he could trust his wife, but not her friend. He loves his wife and because of that thinks she's the greatest thing since the invention of air-conditioning. Therefore, it makes sense to him that all men are just waiting for the right second to pounce. At one point, he ended up alone with the male friend and addressed the topic. The friend reassured the husband that nothing had ever or would ever happen, but the husband continued to have doubts.
Is a friendship worth jeopardizing your relationship for? Would you leave someone because they were uncomfortable with a friendship you had with a member of the opposite sex? I don't know what my answers are to these questions, but I do know that they make me nervous.