Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Chronic Dating Fatigue

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome: (n) pathology/
-a common disorder of the wrist and hand characterized by pain, tingling, and muscular weakness, caused by pressure on the median nerve in the wrist area and often associated with trauma, rheumatoid arthritis, or edema of pregnancy.
On Sunday, I thought ", I must have slept on my hand wrong or something because it really hurts."  Yesterday morning, my poor little right hand decided to kick that pain up a notch to get my attention.  I thought "I wonder if this is what carpal tunnel feels like."  The above definition has confirmed my theory.  Although, fear not, it is not associated with rheumatoid arthritis or anything to do with pregnancy.This, my friends, is what happens when texting gets out of control.

Between Mr. Italian, Mr. Nick@Nite, Mr. Morals and Mr. Military, it's a wonder I've found time to do anything other than text.  And by "anything other" I mean menial things like brushing my teeth.  From about 10:00 am to 11:00 pm every day for weeks, it has been non-stop and I have come to loathe the sweet, melodic chime on my phone that indicates a new message has arrived.  I've even started to wonder if it is, in fact, some strange karmic payback for my previous insistence on jumping from texts to real-life.  Although, the jumping to real life isn't happening.

So, I've taken a personal vow to myself.  No texting today.  Although, I know what you're thinking, "Uh, aren't you typing right now?"  For some reason, the typing isn't bothering me.  It's the holding of the phone and the typing on the teeny tiny Blackberry keyboard that is making my wrist, hand and arm light on fire.  Ever had carpal tunnel?  I know I'm not nearly as bad as some people have it, where braces and painkillers are involved on a regular basis (dear God, if it gets that bad, someone just take my phone away.  I'll communicate via carrier pigeon).  It's this strange, painful awareness of the muscles in your hand and wrist that constantly enlightens you to just how many things you rely on your thumb throughout the day.  I feel like those robot hands that you have to push the button so that the thumb moves in the right direction to grab the glass of water because one wrong move and it's lightning bolts up the forearm. 

I wonder if I could possibly be the first victim of a new disorder.  I'm thinking I've developed "Chronic Dating Fatigue."  Symptoms of Chronic Dating Fatigue, or CDF, include, but are not limited to, carpal tunnel pain and hyperventilation upon the receipt of text messages, lack of the ability and/or care to respond to messages like "Wat up, baby?" and "How are you today?" (or in my more specific case, "I want you to buy me a tattoo"), a feeling of angst towards several members of the opposite sex for apparently no reason other than their gender, purchasing a closet full of endless date-worthy clothing options with no actual dates, and a general sense of bitterness, with having had the thought of throwing in the towel or "How bad would life really be if I never met anyone?" at least more than once a week.  Patients can suffer from symptoms anywhere from one week to the rest of their entire lives, in which case they will die a long, slow, painful, lonely death. The cure for CDF?  We all know what it is.  It's the whole point and hopefully last, joyful blog entry ever to this "Diary of a Mad, Single Woman."

I think the discovery of my new ailment may actually have inspired some pretty radical behavior on my part.  I've almost decided that I'm wiping the slate clean.  After months of paying for male attention (that sounds bad, let me try again), dates, affection, trying to find a boyfriend the ability to email men I haven't met in person before in hopes of starting a friendship, I've gotten nothing but frustration and a couple of bad dinner meetings.  I'm seriously contemplating cutting them all loose.  If they contact me (obviously, this will be through text, who am I kidding?) and want to meet me, great, but no more of this "I'd like to meet you someday in the distant future when I've sent you every tiny detail of my entire life in text and made Sprint reconsider their Unlimited Everything Plan idea."

Here is my possible new mandate:  If I met you via any online dating service and we are currently communicating as of today, I am done playing the game with you.  Ask me out or move on. 

Since none of them read this blog (to my knowledge!), this is kind of futile.  But, it gives me a visual of my new mantra.  And it's gotten the thought train rolling that maybe I need to spend more time focused on meeting people in the real world.  It can't possibly be worse than this.  A friend of mine forwarded me an article about a unique new dating service that combines the ease of online dating (ease, my foot) and the face-to-face aspect of meeting in the real world.  You establish a profile on their website that is viewable by anyone in the whole world.  Then the company sends you these nifty little business cards, surely black with bright scandalous pink embellishments, with a URL to your profile and some flirty message like "I'm totally cooler than your date" or "I'm flirting with you."  You leave the card with the man or woman in your scope wherever you happen to be in the real world, eliminating that awkward walk-up introduction or even more dreaded pick-up line.  Apparently, it's catching on like wildfire.  I'll do some research and keep you posted...

Oh, and online dating guys, if you are reading this, thank you for making my hand and wrist burn for three days, guys.  That's one way of keeping you on my mind!


  1. I seriously agree with you. Ditch the boys! I really think if they wanted to meet by now, they would've already made it happen.

  2. As another member of the Chronically fatigued...I totally agree with you. I am moving off of the on-line world and into real life. It can not be any worse....can it? I plan to take the idea of the incessant "smiles" that men send me with no follow thru and turn them into real life. For the next 30 days I am going to smile at EVERY man within 10 years of my stated at the grocery store, the gas station, the gym, at work, the bank, at parties, everywhere. Lets see if a real smile in person will yield something more than a smile in cyber space. No down-side for me...maybe a smile in return, maybe a conversation, maybe something more....and maybe just maybe the symptoms of CDF will cease a bit. :)

  3. @Anonymous, what a great idea. Take the online version of "winking" and practice it as regularly in person as you would online. I think I've been entirely too stingy with my real-world smiles. Keep me posted if anything comes out of this, even if it's just a "hello" from the opposite sex. Anything is a step in a better direction than the online dating "wink."


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