Thursday, July 8, 2010
The Relationship Recession
Contrary to popular belief, I'm not referring to the economy. I'm making reference to a growing trend that may only have become apparent during my recent self-imposed hurtling onto the dating merry-go-round and may very well have been present for generations. What trend, you ask? I'm learning that there are a lot of people out there who consider themselves to be on the dating market who are not relationship-material. People who are going through the motions until what they want is basically handed to them, all tied up in a nice little bow. Sound familiar? I think this pattern of entitlement and this attitude of "everybody wants me, now I just have to pick who I want" has created a lot of un-date-able people, at least past the first couple of dinner dates. That "It's All About Me" mindset doesn't lend itself well to the relationship-building, life-sharing, compromising-for-happiness world that is Coupledom.
Point in case: As you'll recall, I emailed Mr. Too Many Words, Mr. Baggage and Mr. Mardi Gras all within minutes of each other a few days ago. I briefly shared that I was interested in them, but, without setting up plans to meet in the near future, I felt that we were doing each other a disservice. We're paying for an online dating service, for goodness sake, to meet people, not to text the heck out of people. I kept it polite and told them that if they weren't interested in meeting, I wished them each luck in their search.
Mr. Mardi Gras replied almost immediately...via text. He sent me a new picture of himself, requested a new one of me (okay...?) and she said he'd love to meet, of course. He didn't say when or where, just that he'd love to. Step in the right direction, I guess. Mr. Baggage has fallen off the face of the earth. One of the nice perks of Match.com is that you can see who has viewed your profile recently. Mr. Baggage was at the top of the list yesterday. Maybe he was checking out what he was giving up by not responding to me. Or maybe he was putting the nail in the coffin, convincing himself of some strange reason why I wasn't worth one evening of face-to-face contact. His loss! Mr. Too Many Words was also high on the list of those perusing my profile, but his response was a bit delayed. This morning, I received a communication from him. I thought "Oh, good...he's interested." Never one to disappointment with his astronomical ability to communicate, Mr. Too Many Words had indeed directly responded to my ultimatum email with this:
"So, who is the infamous person you're related to?"
Don't worry! You're not lost! In my profile on Match, they suggest that you include a conversation starter about one of your interests. I included that I am fascinated with genealogy and recently discovered that I'm related (distantly...very distantly, keep that in mind) to one of the most infamous people of the 20th century. Go ahead, open a new tab and go to Google. Type in "Lizzie Borden." When you find out who she is, you'll understand why I think this is a brilliantly creative way to figure out who has a sense of humor that is on par with my own!
Back to the matter at hand, this was his response. No mention of meeting and no direct correlation to what I sent him, which he clearly received the message by having responded. Is he obtuse? Can he possibly be this bad at communicating? If you were to look back over his messages, you would definitely get a "Roxanne/Cyrano de Bergerac" type feeling. Some messages are long, eloquent and almost poetic, while others (see above) are downright innane and useless. I wonder if he has an understudy who steps in for him when things get rocky and redirects the ship with well-crafted emails.
P.S. Thanks to D.G. for helping inspire the title of today's post!