Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Ashton Kutcher? Is that you?
Mr. Too Many Words, although I doubted this fact at first, has a fine grasp of our language. The response to my question that he felt appropriate is as follows (now this is a direct quote, I swear, no editing, adding, obviously no embellishing, etc.):
"well, i like to watch all kinds of sports and play them. i like to soak in the jacuzzi. i like to enjoy a beautiful day and i wish i could say sex but i havent had sex in 3 years."
So, I'm tempted to go one of two ways with my response (because this is entirely too good NOT to respond). First, I am contemplating fullfilling every woman's dream of outright telling this guy that, if this is his "game," it ain't gonna cut it. I may owe this to female kind and be obligated to take this path in order to hold on to my membership in the Girls Club. I can't imagine most girls would be impressed with this fact let alone enticed to continue the relationship. After the initial shock wore off (after re-reading twice, just to be sure..."yup, that's what he said"), the wonder about the reason for the lack thereof set in. And I have a pretty vivid imagination. Second, I am completely tempted to respond with something off the wall and shocking myself. Completely made up of course, but what a prime opportunity to hone my creative skills. A door swinging wide open to see just how far I can push the envelope, if you catch my drift. Heck, there are no drifts to catch here, people. I'd write back with something even more inappropriate than what he sent me. Just for giggles. Of course, only because he has absolutely no way of contacting me outside of the confines of Match.com and doesn't know my first name, let alone where I live.
I thought about this for a long time last night. It's mind boggling to me that there are people just out there for what it seems Mr. Too Many Words is fishing for. Especially that they are paying for a service to meet other like-minded folks! It makes sense now though, he obviously isn't interested in what I have to say, words would simply be getting in his way. He doesn't need to talk to get what he's looking for!
All these shenanigans have got me wondering if I'm literally going to breathe a huge sigh of relief when I meet someone who even resembles normal. I better make sure I have a breath mint.