Wednesday, October 27, 2010

More Unlocking the Mystery

I humbly apologize, Singletons and Marrieds.  What a week I've had, and it's only Wednesday!  I know I've given you excuses before (which all probably read much like "blah, blah, blah"), and I promise to update you with some wonderful, witty words of wisdom as soon as I have five minutes to breathe.

But, there was something that I did want to share with you.  As I was reading further chapters in "Men, Women and the Mystery of Love" by Edward Sri, I was thinking more about the differences between society's perception of marriage (most especially the perception that we Singletons/Never Marrieds have) and the realities of marriage.  Mr. Sri even mentioned my favorite pop culture reference to the fantastical, fairytale, Hollywood-ideal of marriage:  Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.  He was telling his readers about the difference between real life marriages and the Hanks/Ryan affairs and other romanticized versions of big-screen love like Jack and Rose in Titanic. That infatuation "love" that we so easily confuse with the real, sustainable emotion.  He put it in real world terms and broke it down by the types of attraction that men and women have for each other.  Right now, I'm about halfway through the sexual attraction (referred to in the book as "sensual love" or an attraction to each other based solely on the senses) section (no, I'm not lingering...intentionally), and I'm fascinated by the explanations of these different types of attraction.  What's weird to me is that, as an adult in the dating scene (for entirely too long now), I've always been aware of these different types, but never really thought about them, you know, beyond "Oh, wow, he's hot, I would marry him."  I'm eager to continue reading (even if that means leaving the sexual attraction and really embrace these concepts in pursuit of something a bit more meaningful that sensual love.

So, I'll stop rambling and finally share with you a quote that Mr. Sri included in his text that really spoke to me.  I don't know how many of you Singletons and Marrieds are familiar with C.S. Lewis.  Lewis was the author of "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe" series and was also prolific in writing faith-based, Christian works.  His "Mere Christianity" is in my list of books to read in the next year.  But, I won't get too religious on here (although it's easy for me to get on that tangent, I consider studying religion life's greatest assignment) since this is a blog about dating and relationships (or in my case lately, the lack thereof!), so I'll just share the quote and let you respond:

"We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he 'wants a woman.'  Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want.  He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus...  Now love makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman.  In some mysterious but quite indisputable fashion the lover desires the Beloved herself, not the pleasure she can give." - C.S. Lewis
We'll talk more about this tomorrow, but what do you think, Singletons and Marrieds?  Do you believe that we rush too often from the "apparatus" state to the commitment state, essentially ruining our chances for things to work?  Do you think it's possible to start out as someone's apparatus and eventually become the "Beloved?"


  1. You're welcome to a blogging break every so often, Melanie! It gives me time to catch up on reading your blog ;-)

  2. Ha! That's true! But for a while there, I was on a daily roll and never ran out of material. Hence the constant temptation to dip my toes back into the online dating cesspool. ;) Plus, I just love writing, so sometimes I miss it when I either don't have much to say that day or I'm too busy to put fingers to keyboard. But, I'm glad you're catching up!


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