Friday, November 5, 2010

The Down-Side to Dating Freedom

So, I knew this was going to happen.  Urgh.  And I don't know what to do about it.

My new commitment to living online-dating-free until 2011 has been...well...a bit of a struggle.  Constantly being attacked by "free communication" emails and television advertisements, I kind of feel like you do when you promise to stick to your diet at Christmas time, you know?  There are plates and plates of frosted, sprinkled, sugared goodness in front of you at every turn, and you stand there glaring at them half in contempt for their mere existence on the planet and half in sheer awe at the thought of the delight they behold.  Okay, maybe that's a bit over the top (because now I want some gingerbread men and sugar cookies), but you catch my drift.

As I've struggled to stay straight (drug-addict reference, not sexual preference), I realized that something was missing.  I had this creative hunger that wasn't being fed.  Surely I wasn't experiencing this void because of a lack of rapid-fire, useless, meaningless email communications with male counterparts in search of one-night stands love on the internet.  Surely not.  There had to be something else that was causing this yearning for creative and artistic expression... the blog!!  My poor, innocent blog had become the victim of my dead-on-arrival social life.  With no dating drama, my writing material had flat-lined, and, although my real life has been anything but uneventful, blog-worthy shenanigans have ceased to exist.  For me at least.  I've turned several shades of green with envy over some of the insanely blog-appropriate happenings in some of my friends' lives lately, none of which have taken advantage of these gifts from the blogging gods regardless of how adamantly I beg them.  (One friend got a ridiculously inappropriate birthday card from a coworker.  Wouldn't "Top Ten Worst Birthday Card Greetings" be a truly awesome blog post topic and discussion?!  So frustrating.)

So, Singletons and Marrieds, I continue to have nothing to update you on.  No knight in shining armor has mysteriously presented himself even though everyone I know has promised me that he'd find me as soon as I stopped looking (okay...stopped a while ago now! Come out, come out, wherever you are!).  Not a single email from any men on any of the random dating sites to which I belong (it's like they know I've jumped ship!) and no Mr. Gunslinger-like real-world meetings.  That element is simply because my weekends have been jam-packed with everything but potential-suitor-meeting activities, or I've just been so tired that dating has been the furthest thing from my mind.  Usually as the temperatures drop outside, the desire for comfort food and comfort clothing sets in, I myself seem to settle in to life and stop actively pursuing love interests.  A bit contradictory, I know, considering the fact that no one wants to be alone during the holidays.  But, I think to actively pursue reminds me that I'm alone and instead, I just put it out of my mind and surround myself with celebratory, festivity-fancying friends and family.  Until January.

Plans continue for the thirtieth birthday extravaganza, a little over a month away now!  I'm very excited and just hope that I don't dramatize it so much in my head beforehand that I'm let down by the actual event.  That's why I'm counting on all of you to help make it epic.  (Again, invitation is open to those in/around/can get to the Atlanta area.  If you've been a part of the last twenty-nine and eleven-twelfths years, I want you in on the celebration!)

Back to the topic at hand.  I won't kid you for a second, I miss male attention.  I do have some amazing friends of the male persuasion and find that when I enter these lulls in love, I contact them much more frequently.  I'll randomly call them on my way home from work to talk sports, chat online or invite them out to grab a beer after work.  Although they aren't usually the same types of conversations or interactions as I'd have with a potential suitor, they are quite different from those I have with my female friends and sometimes I just need that.  I've always gotten along smashingly with men (which is all the more surprising that I'm single! STILL!) so I know that I need that touch of masculinity, the yin to the yang to restore the balance if things get out of whack.  And right now, things are way out of whack.

So, two things I need from you, Singletons and Marrieds.  Tell me.  Do/did you pine away for the attention of the opposite gender or are you completely comfortable being on your own and I'm just weird?  And what on this great, green earth would you like me to write about?  I'm completely open to topic suggestions, no matter how off-the-wall you may think they are (Let's try to keep them PG-13, though.  I can hear my mother in my head saying, "Don't put anything on the internet that you don't want read aloud in court."  And yes, that tone of voice you used in your head was completely accurate.  She uses the same tone when she tells me not to talk on my cell phone when I'm driving.)  Let's take advantage of this downtime and start some good topic trains!  Feel free to post your ideas/suggestions to this page or email me at


  1. okay suggestion, stop thinking abt meeting guys do fun stuff just for the heck of having fun like bungee jumping, going to museums with your girlfriends, just do stuff that pleases u and then u look pleasing to others. Dont do stuff in the name of am doing this so mr right can find me.

  2. I agree with Joanna. Do fun things - read more books and then write about them; see more movies; go for a walk/hike (ok when it's not too cold outside); try some new restaurants in your area; finish your new years resolutions. And let us all know how it's going, lol. Best of luck!

  3. Maybe you could try speed-dating? I did it once a couple years ago; it only cost about 30 bucks or so, and it only took an hour. Therefore, it was a lot less time consuming than online dating. And you don't have to spend more than a few minutes with each guy. Or maybe you could try writing about some of the online dating "scams". For example, I closed my account with eharmony months ago, and I just recently found out that they left my profile up all this time! That made me more than a little angry.

  4. "Lost in Singledom" doesn't mean you have to focus on dating, so branch out into blog posts about everyday life and all of its randomness. With your writing style, I'm sure your audience will stick around, even if there aren't any Mr. Online Wierdos to talk about ;-)

  5. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way! I relate a LOT to this post. I am single and definitely feel lonely, miss that male interaction and attention, etc. And I think that's okay! I just listened to an interesting excerpt from a Matt Chandler sermon the other day where he talked about this. He was noticing that a lot of pastors/authors are telling Christian singles that they need to become completely content and happy with their singleness, and that only then - once they no longer desire a relationship - will God finally bring them someone. And his point was, no way!! We're designed for companionship and relationship, and it's absolutely okay to pine for that. That desire is supposed to be there, you just have to learn how to be patient with it (which I'm also trying to learn to do!). :)

  6. Thanks, everybody. I will try my darnedest to just do things with my own personal enjoyment in mind and not so much focused on "treasure hunting." I had thought of speed dating before and honestly, it kind of fell off my radar. Definitely something I'm going to look in to, but I feel like I need to bring a wing-woman. Might have to do some recruiting amongst my Singleton gal pals. @Kassia, thanks! ;) @Stacy, it's always good to know that these things rolling around in my head/heart aren't just my own issues. I think Matt Chandler is right. When you figure out a tried-and-true method of being patient, please share! LOL


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