Friday, October 1, 2010

To All the Men I've Loved Before...

Dear Gentlemen:

Thank you.  Thank you for not being "the one."  You can't imagine how much I appreciate the fact that you turned out to be quite different than the version of you that I had created in my head. 

Thank you for rejecting whatever way, shape or form that rejection took.  Yes, I'm talking to you, but it's okay.  I'm actually glad it worked out the way it did, because you know what, had we stayed together or gotten together or whatever our history was, we both would have ended up miserable in the long run, or at least I know I would have.  As I watch you go off and date other people or even marry them, as I see you from a distance and watch the man that you really are, I know that man wasn't for me.  We didn't fit.  There's nothing wrong with you for that; I don't blame you for anything.  We just weren't right together. 

I'm sorry if I put my hopes in you at a level that made you uncomfortable.  I'm sorry if Old Melanie tried to make your square peg fit into a round hole (get your mind out of the always did have the humor of a 13 year old!).  I'm sorry if Old Melanie turned you into something you weren't in her head and her heart and forced you into a position where your only choice was to break my heart.  I know she had a tendency to do that, but I bet you'll be happy to know that I'm not doing that anymore.  I'm not pining my dreams of Coupledom to the first guy that comes along and expecting things from him that he's not ready, willing or capable of giving.  I'm accepting men for who they are individually, even if that means that they're not right for me, no matter how much I wish it to be otherwise.  You helped teach me that, so thank you.

Thank you for showing me exactly what I don't want in a relationship and a man.  Again, no fault of yours, just things that I now know wouldn't mesh well with me, simply because you crossed my path.  And thank you for showing me what I do want.  Qualities of yours that shined above all the rest that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt are elements that could make me happy with someone for the rest of my life. 

Thank you for teaching me how to communicate with the male species gender.  Thank you for being the guinea pig as I struggled and learned that men don't necessarily communicate the same way women do and that just because something is important to me doesn't mean you're going to give two you-knows about it.  Thank you for teaching me the best ways to talk, argue, communicate, disagree, compromise and express emotion with my future husband. 

Thank you for making me feel like I was important in your life, no matter how fleeting or short that time may have been, because now I know what that feels like and how to recognize it.  I know that I want to feel that way times a thousand someday with the right one, but I have a glimpse of what I'm looking for, thanks to you.

Thank you for showing me that even if you weren't ready or willing to accept my affection and attention, I'm going to make someone a damn good wife or girlfriend.  And however childish it may be, I can't wait to prove that to you. 

So to all the men who have weaved themselves into the fabric of my life, you have my sincere appreciation and gratitude for making me the woman that I am today.  The woman who is going to go out this weekend and take the Singleton world by storm, dressed up, smiling and confident in my ability to find a man someday who embodies all of the things you are and aren't, all of the things that made you special and all of things that you were lacking to be the perfect man for me.  I may not find him this weekend, I may not find him this year, but I will find him and he's going to want to thank you too. 

Your friend,


  1. Nice heart-rendering piece. I've been in the same situation before having gone from one fruitless relationship to the other. But i have good news for you, the day you don't bother and just enjoy your life, that's when the ONE comes along. Trust me.

  2. Thanks, Rachel! This control freak has a problem with that "letting go" thing, but I'm working on it. I give you and everybody else permission to keep me in check!

  3. Thanks, Wonderful. It's one of my favorites too. It was really good to put all of that into words, and I'm thankful I have an outlet. I've reread it a few times as personal encouragement! LOL

  4. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. So well said. I need to reach a point where I can say this to those men in my past.

  5. Thanks, Stacy. It's been a long time coming, that's for sure. And honestly I still have a few stragglers who I'm not emotionally ready to say this to them, but putting it into words is good and it's a start. I did buy a blank notebook after my last male-induced emotional pitfall and just started writing everything I had ever wanted to say to him. Ten pages later, I felt amazingly better. He'll never see it and I'll probably never read it again, but I know the words exist outside of me. Give it a try!


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