Online Dating Suggestions for Men

So, I know I shouldn't judge, because simply knowing what people say in their online dating profiles means that I have, at the very least, perused these sites as a leisure activity. But, I thought it would be funny to share some of the things that I've found interesting or things that I think should never be included in an online dating website profile.

First, I think it's pretty comical that almost every single male who has a profile kicks it off with "Well, I'm a laid back kind of guy..." Is every guy in the world laid back? Or maybe it's just guys on dating websites. Maybe I don't want a laid back guy. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but is that such a selling point that it can be justified as the top opening line? Hmm. Maybe I want a guy who is outgoing and ridiculous, a guy who gets excited and passionate about stuff and doesn't just sit around like a lump on a log. Maybe I want someone who wants to sit too close to the fireworks display or who does cartwheels across the room when the Braves score a run. I'm simply suggesting that you look for more exciting means of describing yourself. And put some effort into it! "If you want to know anything else, just ask" is a bit intimidating when I don't even know what I should be asking about. Can I ask you if you're interested in going to a drag show with me if I really like drag queens because I'm impressed by their makeup skills? Probably not. Give me something to work with and I'll come up with questions, believe me.

Also, I'd like to add in public and in a form of mass communication, that you should never, ever, under any circumstances have your tongue out of your mouth in your profile picture. I think that is pretty self-explanatory. You also probably shouldn't post photos of yourself surrounded by Hooters girls or other possibly artificially-enhanced hotties. As much as men are intimidated by the looks of other men, so are women. Possibly even more so. If I see you with pin-up girls on either side of you, I'm probably not going to imagine you'd be interested in run-of-the-mill, old me. Even if you were at the annual Hooters Wing-a-Thon with your buds and you never even met those girls...I won't know that and will probably keep on clicking through.

Having an opinion of the kind of girl you're looking for is wonderful and helpful. It gives me an idea of the level at which you set your dealbreakers. (Unsure of what a "dealbreaker" is? It's another Dr. Phil reference. Check out "LoveSmart." He should pay me for advertising.) But, I'm talking broad, people. I like to know if you have no interest in dating Christian girls, or girls who can tend to be loud, or girls who are into sports. Those are all good things for me, being that girl, to know so that I don't waste my time or your time. But, getting so specific that you actually have a shopping-list-like rundown of what you're looking for isn't appealing, inviting or probably going to work. If you're looking for a woman that specific, you've probably already found her and if you're online dating, it probably didn't work out. Broaden your perspective and let some of the rest of us in.

And (drum roll, please) my number one suggestion is: never, ever, ever, ever, EVER expect a response from me if you send me an email and the only thing you can muster is "Hey, what's up?" Or even worse, "Wuz up." Or even worse still, "Hey shorty." Move along. We're not in a bar and, even if we were, this approach still would be sub-par. I want you to show some interest in me and a basically blank email just proves that you looked at my picture, liked what you saw and didn't put any further thought or time into me. I'm not expecting a sonnet or a work of romantic literature in my inbox. Just some kind of basic communication skills and at least a thought for the Spell Check button.

I don't think any of this is asking too much. Maybe it is and that's why I'm still single!