Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Disappointed Diva

So, I did it again, Singletons and Marrieds.  I chased my heart and got burned.  And now I need your help.

I owe you an explanation.  My lack of quality posts (or even crappy posts for that matter), especially over the last six months, is due completely to the fact that I thought I was finally doing things right in the real world.  I've now spent most of my thirtieth year on this planet doing the detailed and dangerous dance between being candid and risky, reserved and patient, honest and considerate, and hopeful and trusting.  And none of it worked.  I thought maybe, just maybe, I had finally gotten it down pat.  I was forthright with my feelings and spent a long time hopeful that the lack of a rejection from someone I thought would be considerate enough to give it without delay meant my actions were worthwhile and potentially encouraged.  I did everything I thought I needed to do to naturally move into something fantastic... and ended up with quite the reverse of that.  I tried diligently to prove that I was willing to at least try.  But, he was not.  And that is that.

Mostly, I'm disappointed in myself.  I should have seen it coming.  Inside Petty Melanie hopes that I'm his "one that got away." Time will tell, I guess.  But, sitting here today, the only part of that statement that is reality is "away."  So, moving on is not an option, it's a must.  I've spent too much of my life watching days, weeks, months, years fly by pining away for someone who didn't give me a second thought.  So, the lesson I'm learning from this disappointment is that, although I did much better this time of not assuming that someone knew how I felt about them and being candid with my emotions and expectations in my own defense, I have to stop being the pursuer.  I've said it countless times, but I have to stick to it.  I spent six months doing most of the work sustaining our friendship/low-grade-courtship and that should have been a giant red flag.  I'm going to write this next statement on my mirror and repeat it to myself daily:

If someone isn't willing to do whatever it takes to spend time with me in whatever form he can get it, he is not worth it.  Not worth my time, my tears, my talents, my joy or my glowing personality.

Because I think I'm pretty awesome.  I'd want to spend time with me all the time.  Well, most of the time.  I'm not perfect around the clock.  You should see me when I first wake up... whew.  Hot, aggravated, moody mess.  Moving on...

So, my hopefully still interested readers, I'm back on the market.  In hot and heavy pursuit of The One.  I'm done with Time Wasters, Space Fillers, Dinner Buyers, Stand-by Dates, and Male Friends Who I Really Want to Date  (dear God, I have had plenty of that, thank you).  I have two months and ten days until my 31st birthday and have no yet succeeded in my New Year's Resolution.  And I'm getting sexier by the day (his even-bigger loss...  read more about my journey to sexiness on my new blog, "Breaking Up with the Couch.").  I need your help.  A coworker jokingly suggested that I try matchmaking at a local company here in Atlanta.  Anyone ever tried one of those?  I must confess, I immediately mentally jump to "The Millionaire Matchmaker" and it makes me feel nauseous.  I loath that woman.  But the ladies on this sight at least know the correct way to apply eyeshadow, which is a major component of successful dating, in my opinion.  Check them out here.   Or... brace for it.  I've been seriously considering rejoining (gasp) eHarmony.

Urgh.  I know.  But, it's their damn commercials!  The cute, scruffy looking guy, hands in his pockets, nervously rocking from foot to foot... so excited about his upcoming date, bashing the other dating sites for having to sift through thousands of profiles to find someone who has probably received thousands of emails that day.  I know...  I've been there.  The whole thing sucks.  But, I need to bounce back.  I need to take a page out of my own book and throw, no, hurdle myself back out there.  I've got so much to offer and want to share all the wonders of the world with someone who is still excited about that concept and not bitterly sitting in a coffee shop by themselves in front of a laptop (like I am right now).

So, do I jump back in to online dating, give the matchmaking thing a shot or hope that one of you know an amazing, eligible bachelor in the Atlanta area (or elsewhere) that doesn't think OTP is long distance (blatant Atlanta reference... "outside the perimeter" is often considered "no man's land.")?  I'm bound and determined to go on that real date before my birthday.  Help.


  1. I'm doing a giveaway right now!!!! It's an upgrade on a singles site...just sayin maybe you should sign up!!! I have 5 prizes for lucky winners and no takers yet!!! Doooo it...

  2. I would love to! Totally checking that out tonight!

  3. From another recently-single-again girl, sorry to hear it didn't work out! I don't think there's anything wrong with being the pursuer, but I would say, if it takes that much work, then it's probably not the one. I know relationships are work, but there's work, and then there's WORK, if you know what I mean. If you're having to WORK to make it happen, then you deserve more than that!

    As for strategies - well, keep me updated on your decisions and their successes! I must admit, I'm quite discouraged w/the idea of going back to Match, myself. I've been reconsidering eHarmony too (although that one didn't work before, either - but at least I wouldn't have the discouraging work of sifting through piles of discouraging profiles!), but I don't really have any other ideas. My city is too small (and lacking in young professionals) to have matchmaking services that I'd be willing to use. But I would say go for it in ATL - Atlanta should have plenty of young professionals, so it's just a matter of meeting the right one! =)

  4. Stop setting deadlines for yourself!! Maybe that is the ultimate way to see our plans go astray. There is a bigger and better plan for you that may not fit into your well-organized planner. Sorry to hear about the guy; that is really a bummer. I'm in the same boat (well, not completely) but I met a guy who I thought was great. And he ended up playing games with me and not being the person he appeared to be when we first went out.

    It's hard to meet people. I've tried eharmony, match, chemistry, plentyoffish (pof), okcupid, christiancafe, you name it. At the moment I'm just on pof, but I'm really tired of putting all this energy in. I think you are right - women need to stop letting guys be lazy and let the guy be the pursuer. It's so hard waiting for a guy to get around to finding you, but isn't that the way it's supposed to be? If the guys comes after you then you know he's interested.

    Personally, I think it's just about going out and surrounding yourself with the type of people you want to hang out with (guys and girls). The guys will come. Either they will be there or be a friend of one of the girls. I plan to get offline and quit my pof account (not sure what I'm waiting for at the moment), but it's not supposed to be us seeking out a guy before we turn a certain age. It feels weird to just "wait" but if pursuing hasn't worked all these years; what's a couple of months of trying it differently?

    I say get offline and go outside more and meet groups of people and the men will come.

    Good luck!

  5. I'm been thinking about trying a service like "Just Lunch" (no idea if this is a local, or nationwide service) myself. I figure the real pro to using that kind of service would be a guy who signs up for that is definitely relationship-minded rather than just looking for a fling. Good luck!


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