Monday, April 4, 2011

You've Got WAY Too Much Mail

So, as the self-imposed online dating hiatus continues long beyond its original intended cut-off (who am I kidding? Said "hiatus" also applies to real-world dating, but this, my friends, is not by choice.  I digress early this time.), I periodically receive emails from entitled things like "Strange-Screen-Name wants to meet you!"  Sometimes I open them, other times I just delete them.  Honestly, it depends on the kind of day I've had.  Surprisingly, the decision process is probably quite the reverse of what you'd expect.  If I've had a crappy day, I'll figure 'Eh, it can't get much worse than this, so why not check out this new crop of suitors.'  If it's a good day, I'll think 'Eh, I don't need no stinking man!' and move on.  Don't try to rationalize it because it happens in my own head and makes no sense to me. 

It just so happens that one of these periodic emails reminding me that I do, in fact, have an online dating presence still whether or not I want to admit it, arrived in my inbox last night.  When it did, I immediately thought that it must be a mistake.  I recognized the screen name as one that had sent me several "...would like to meet you" messages in the past, to which I was sure I had responded.  Hesitantly, I logged into PlentyofFish (for those new to the online dating world, a log-in after a significant hiatus can throw you back into "New Girl" territory, especially if the site has a "Who Has Viewed Your Profile Lately" section.  It took years to establish this kind of knowledge, so don't feel bad if you had no idea.) to check my inbox and sure enough, I was right.  This gentleman has emailed me on the 3rd of every single month since December.  Count 'em, that's five monthly "...would like to meet you" emails.  Five.

What's wrong with that?  I'll tell you what's wrong with that.  In December, I was less bitter bored indifferent likely to be inclined to disinterest in these periodic emails and not only opened Mr. Monthly Visitor's email, but checked out his profile.  Upon review and my usual intense scrutiny (this could the future Mr. Melanie, people, I had standards) I determined that his profile was a thousand different kinds of wrong.  It was almost as if he hadn't read a single word of mine:  he lives rather far away, he's either lying about his age or just looks significantly older than his 33 years (I'm not kidding, he looks at least my dad's age), and his profile description is just odd and borders on one of those "This is who I am, you're not going to change me, I don't like talking about myself, I'm a 'laid back kind of guy,' ask me anything you want."  He doesn't want children, smokes daily and is interested in "intimate encounters."  No, nope, and uh-uh. 

Knowing that I am a courteous and polite online dater, I checked my Sent box to make sure that I wasn't having a random moment of insanity.  Nope, still sane.  I had not only responded with a very sincere and personally written "Thanks, but no thanks,"  I had done so in both December and February.  Two different notes.  Which leads me to believe that I'm not the one with the sanity issues.

So, as a courteous and polite on-again-off-again online dater, I have no idea what to do at this point.  I'd imagine that "don't respond" is going to be the resounding answer to this question, but quite frankly, how long will he continue to send me regular emails? I'm flattered that obviously he is compelled by my profile enough to continue to message me, but it's as if he has an Outlook Calendar reminder set for each third day of the month that pops up to say "Don't forget to email that rude woman who won't write you back?"  And why do I care?  I don't really.  It's probably just the selfish side of me that hates to have my Gmail account filled with useless, unnecessary emails.  Monthly.  This guy definitely falls into the "Doesn't Get the Hint" category (We've talked about this before.) and I'd hate for him to continue wasting any additional time on me.  If the situation were reversed, I'd want to get the "Thanks, but no thanks," but I feel like I've already done my due diligence.

Every time I think I've seen it all with online dating, I'm always somewhat shocked to find out exactly how wrong I am.  Urgh.  I'm not even pursuing it and it's driving me crazy!

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