Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Risky Revamp

So, I'm almost positive that someone at is reading my blog.  On a regular basis.  And then generating ripple effects based on what my topic is that day.  Which would also mean that whoever it is reading my blog either has multiple profiles on the website themselves or somehow communicates with random men who are members and encourages them to communicate with me.  This can't be a coincidence.

Within three hours of posting on Friday, I received not one, not two, nope, not even three, but four, yes, four emails from new men on Plentyoffish.  Four.  All with various demographical characteristics and none really worth writing home about.  Or writing back to for that matter.  But, I did.  Because I'm a courteous online dater (Not that I'm back on the online dating market!  I promise!  But, who am I to overlook the general practice of common courtesy?  Especially since it totally urkes me [throwing it back 90's style there] when people don't write me back). 

I won't drone on and on with my usual witty banter about the lack of quality communication in the online dating arena, because you've heard it all before and this time (all four emails) was no exception.  Sidenote:  Plentyoffish now has a new function where the online dater can bypass ALL communication processes and simply send someone a note that says "OnlineDaterX wants to meet you."  That's it.  No message, no note, not even a "Hey, wat up, shorty?"  I didn't think it was possible to reach a level lower than the opening one-liner emails, but I guess that's why I haven't landed a gig as a website designer or program developer for!

A friend of mine and I were recently talking about the woes of online dating and as we bemoaned the crop of potentials out there, an interesting point was made.  It was just kind of mentioned in passing, but paired with the 3,492nd horrible email I've received via an online dating website, I got to thinking.  What's actually kind of scary to think about, and if I put too much thought into it, it might become a train that could easily jump the tracks at dangerously high speeds, but... what if I were to experiment with my profile?  Of course, I could only do it on since it's a free site, because I wouldn't want to take any additional unnecessary risks on a paid site.  What if I was completely honest about the things that I love and the things that I loathe (although, I wouldn't use a word as strong as "loathe," maybe something more subtle like "despise") about online dating.  Experimenting, of course, would imply that the men communicating with me are actually reading my profile, because without that crucial element this experiment is null and void.  But, what if I kept the basic information about myself, some of my conversation-starting elements and just came up with politically correct and non-confrontational ways of saying that I'm not interested in introduction emails that say things like "Ur lips look delicious." (Direct quote). (Ridiculous).

This could be big, friends.  This new approach could totally revolutionize the way I online date.  Why should I hide things that are so important and meaningful in my pursuit of a potential suitor?  Why shouldn't I outright say that I'm not interested in anyone who is talking to me in hopes of one-night-stands (I'm pretty sure Mr. Delicious Lips wasn't looking to take me to dinner and a movie)?  Why shouldn't I say that I like to email back and forth for a little bit, possibly text, then talk on the phone and then meet and if you're not interested in the meeting part of that equation, we won't work? Most men describe their ideal woman as "honest."  Would they be completely turned off by actual honesty? Why can't I say that I want someone who will truly engage me in conversation, that I'm not a shallow person who only cares about the exterior and I don't want someone like that to pursue me?  That I want someone I will be able to hold a conversation with if the exterior shine ever wears off.  A conversation that is more than one sentence.  Again, I'd put these things in as positive a way as I could (that's where these writing skills come in handy, big time), but maybe they'd attract someone equally as frustrated as I am who will in turn appreciate my honesty.  I can't do any worse than I'm doing now.

Over the course of the next week or so, I intend to focus on my online dating profile on  I wouldn't submit a report at work without proofing it hundreds of times and probably having someone else check over it for those pesky mistakes that you miss when you're half brain-dead from working so hard.  So, why not do the same for my online dating profile?  Once I get a good draft under wraps, I am going to share it with you.  That's right.  I'm going to post it right here for the world to see.  I want intense scrutiny.  Some of you may not know me personally, but I'm hoping that your readership of this blog means that you like my writing style.  I'll need you to help me translate what works on this blog into something that may work on my online dating profile.

Start pondering.  And stay tuned...


  1. There is also okcupid that is a free dating website. I like it better than plentyoffish because it seems that more people in the demographic I am looking for use this as opposed to pof where it often feels as though people are looking for hookups.

    Oh and good luck with the revamp. I say be honest!

  2. Thanks, E! I tried okCupid years ago and had actually forgotten about it. I think you're right. I might start over fresh with them instead of trying to redo what I already have out there on PofF.

  3. I think it's smart to be honest in your profile. I'm sure you are already but those important things are deal breakers and why waste your time with someone who has a deal breaker. I remember I wrote in my online dating profile that my job requires me to be away with no communication whatsoever for 8 days at a time and that I need someone who is ok with that and that I am independant and don't want someone who is needy. It worked :) Be honest and it's amazing who pops up.

  4. I think you're blog is amazing and I just got a Versatile Blogger Award... which means I pass it along to other great bloggers : ) you can pick up the graphic over at my site where I've named you as one of my nominations!

  5. Some guy really said "Ur lips look delicious"? Does that work on anyone? Especially with that spelling? Yes, I can tell he's sincere AND intelligent.

    I haven't gotten anything that salacious, but I think you're honesty experiment is going to be interesting. I think it might be rewarding--I always blank when writing profiles, but I always thought the more specific the more interesting. Looking forward to the updates!


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