Guest Post - "Online Dating 101"

The Week o' Guest Posts continues, Singletons and Marrieds!  Enjoy this guest post from fellow blogger, Tazia, who has had her fair share of online dating shenanigans. 

Let's face it! Everybody you meet knows somebody you know or knows somebody's friend/brother/cousin/etc. So I have only dated co workers, friends' brothers and friends' friends until I started this online dating thing. STILL I meet people or have dated people with mutual "friends." I think it's because I live in the biggest small town in the world. The Internet is great...you can be who you wanna be and have the courage to say what you wanna say, however it's also the same for everyone else. You never know what you're getting in to, but the best case scenario is you could meet an amazing friend! I have, but I also met some real creeps.

Here are a few things I've learned...
1. Don't be in such a hurry. If it's meant to happen, it will happen. But, the longer that you e-mail or text, the better foundation your friendship has. The people that want to meet right away end up being freakin crazy most of the time or on some revenge for a fight. Know that you're worth waiting for.

2. Don't be the "nice" guy or girl. Not that people don't want the nice one, it's just the people that say they are so nice end up without any attention, probably because they don't usually see their imperfections! They are always saying that nobody wants them or "nice guys finish last." How about being happy the way you are and if something happens, it does! Which leads to my next point....

3. DONT BE SO DESPERATE!!!! There are some people that like their spouse to be clingy and needy, but it's rare, so good luck! Just today I had a guy offer to fly me to Boston to meet him if there were sparks on the phone. Don't be planning our freakin wedding before we meet and come on now, I have a life outside of my boyfriend and would like him to have one also.

4. Spell check was invented for a reason. Use it!!!!!

5. Don't try to sell your children. Children are very important, yes, and you need to say that you have children, but it's not a sales gig. I love lots of kids, but I want to get to know you.

6. Pictures....Why  have all these group pictures where you have to figure out who the person is? I'm pretty sure all your friends don't want to be up on this dating site and, if they do, they can make their own profile. Not only that, but if your friend is cuter, we may want your friend instead. PS: I don't wanna see your boy parts before I see your face...leave a little something for later. PLEASE!!

7. Don't talk about your ex wife/husband or ex girlfriend/boyfriend on there, especially when it's just a big rant about them. I don't want to hear all about your ex before I even have a conversation with you.

8. Don't just send a message that says "hey" or "hi" or "you're hot." It's unlikely that I'm gonna respond to that. At least make it a full sentence.

9. Don't talk down about yourself. If you hate your job, or yourself, or your car, or being single, talking down about it is not gonna attract a partner. If you don't like it, change it or stop complaining.

10. DO NOT put your checklist up there! First off, it makes it easier for a desperate guy/girl to convert themselves into what you want if he/she is like that. Secondly, you could miss out on a great guy/girl because he/she doesn't meet your requirements. We never really know what we want until we find it!!

11. Now this one is a catch 22!!! Guys say they want an independent girl that can take care of herself and isn't needy, but they also say they want to feel needed. Make up your minds, guys....

12. Be honest about what you want! Don't say you want a relationship if you do;  don't say you do if you don't! There is someone else out there that wants what you want, and if you get someone that doesn't want the same thing, it could turn out messy. Just sayin...

13. "Baby" and "Sweetie" right away...no...just no!

The single life isn't so bad. Meeting new people and sharing new experiences, good or bad, are adventures and memories to hold on to.

Guest Post - "Newly Lost"

Today, Singletons and Marrieds, enjoy a guest post from a friend of mine who is dealing with some pretty difficult relationship issues.  At some point, we all sit back and evaluate where we are, where we have been and where we want to go from here.  Guest poster, Alouette is at that point.  Any advice or wisdom?  

(I had such a great response to my request for guest posts...  keep them coming.  Expect several guest posts over the next week or so while I try to breathe life back into my social life.)

After spending my "prime" dating years in what turned out to be a horrible marriage and finally finding my true soulmate too soon thereafter, I realize that maybe it's best to be single right now.

I mean, from 21-29 I basically wasted my life planning for things that never came to fruition. It was only after meeting my special someone did I realize that I'm more effed in the head than I wanted to admit. Suffering from mental, emotional, physical, sexual and every other kind of abuse you can imagine, not ever really dealing with it and then jumping head first into something "perfect" is definitely NOT a good idea. Mr. Perfect and I both knew it at the time, but we decided that we were mature and grown up enough to work through it. Obviously not. On my end anyway. Hopefully Mr. Perfect and I will still be able to be together someday, but today is not the day.

Now in my daily reflections, I realize that I don't think I have ever been truly single. Unless you count my ugly duckling days, but I don't think anyone really counts that.

I find myself in a new chapter of my life. Completely starting from scratch. I'm five months away from turning 31, and I feel worse off than I did at 18. The world was my oyster; now I just feel like the broken oyster shells in the parking lot of Rhinehart's. As a naive 18 year old, I always imagined my 30's as being settled down with a family of my own, a great job, nice house, car, etc. Looks like life version 3.0 is gonna be more of a challenge than I ever could have imagined.

~ Alouette