Let's face it! Everybody you meet knows somebody you know or knows somebody's friend/brother/cousin/etc. So I have only dated co workers, friends' brothers and friends' friends until I started this online dating thing. STILL I meet people or have dated people with mutual "friends." I think it's because I live in the biggest small town in the world. The Internet is great...you can be who you wanna be and have the courage to say what you wanna say, however it's also the same for everyone else. You never know what you're getting in to, but the best case scenario is you could meet an amazing friend! I have, but I also met some real creeps.
Here are a few things I've learned...
1. Don't be in such a hurry. If it's meant to happen, it will happen. But, the longer that you e-mail or text, the better foundation your friendship has. The people that want to meet right away end up being freakin crazy most of the time or on some revenge for a fight. Know that you're worth waiting for.
2. Don't be the "nice" guy or girl. Not that people don't want the nice one, it's just the people that say they are so nice end up without any attention, probably because they don't usually see their imperfections! They are always saying that nobody wants them or "nice guys finish last." How about being happy the way you are and if something happens, it does! Which leads to my next point....
3. DONT BE SO DESPERATE!!!! There are some people that like their spouse to be clingy and needy, but it's rare, so good luck! Just today I had a guy offer to fly me to Boston to meet him if there were sparks on the phone. Don't be planning our freakin wedding before we meet and come on now, I have a life outside of my boyfriend and would like him to have one also.
4. Spell check was invented for a reason. Use it!!!!!
5. Don't try to sell your children. Children are very important, yes, and you need to say that you have children, but it's not a sales gig. I love lots of kids, but I want to get to know you.
6. Pictures....Why have all these group pictures where you have to figure out who the person is? I'm pretty sure all your friends don't want to be up on this dating site and, if they do, they can make their own profile. Not only that, but if your friend is cuter, we may want your friend instead. PS: I don't wanna see your boy parts before I see your face...leave a little something for later. PLEASE!!
7. Don't talk about your ex wife/husband or ex girlfriend/boyfriend on there, especially when it's just a big rant about them. I don't want to hear all about your ex before I even have a conversation with you.
8. Don't just send a message that says "hey" or "hi" or "you're hot." It's unlikely that I'm gonna respond to that. At least make it a full sentence.
9. Don't talk down about yourself. If you hate your job, or yourself, or your car, or being single, talking down about it is not gonna attract a partner. If you don't like it, change it or stop complaining.
10. DO NOT put your checklist up there! First off, it makes it easier for a desperate guy/girl to convert themselves into what you want if he/she is like that. Secondly, you could miss out on a great guy/girl because he/she doesn't meet your requirements. We never really know what we want until we find it!!
11. Now this one is a catch 22!!! Guys say they want an independent girl that can take care of herself and isn't needy, but they also say they want to feel needed. Make up your minds, guys....
12. Be honest about what you want! Don't say you want a relationship if you do; don't say you do if you don't! There is someone else out there that wants what you want, and if you get someone that doesn't want the same thing, it could turn out messy. Just sayin...
13. "Baby" and "Sweetie" right away...no...just no!
The single life isn't so bad. Meeting new people and sharing new experiences, good or bad, are adventures and memories to hold on to.
Great advice! I've learned to be wary of the guys who want to meet right away. I've gotten e-mails from guys who don't even bother to introduce themselves. They just include their number and tell me to text or call them, and they want to make plans for that night or the next. I always exchange at least three or four e-mails and talk on the phone/text with the guy at least once before meeting in person. But on the other hand, I do think it's important not to wait too long; you wouldn't want to communicate with someone for several weeks or months only to find out that once you meet in person there's no chemistry.
ReplyDeleteYou have a point there, but it all depends on the people too. Most of the time I get to know the good bad and ugly over time and can decide, but other times I romantisize them tooo much and I'm let down.
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of these except the first - I had far, far more problems with the email/phone communication just continuing on and on and on until it finally just petered out, b/c let's be honest, there's not that much to say via email with a complete stranger. Now, someone who wants to meet without talking at all would certainly be a red flag. But I met many more men who I think were afraid to ask for a number or a date because they've been warned to *not* be that creepy guy who wants to meet "too soon" yet can't figure out what "too soon" is (or that's my theory, at least). I actually instituted a three-communication-exchange rule for myself - after three rounds of emails, I was asking for a date. I just got tired of endless rounds of emails that went nowhere. Plus, you don't really know if you're potentially compatible until you meet, so it just became more expedient to get that figured out so I could put my online-dating time to best use - because as anyone who has ever seriously online dated knows, it gets overwhelming really fast!
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