The reasons behind this particular post are a combination of date-relevant and personal-life-relevant. To some, the date-relevance might seem like a bit of a stretch, but others will jump right on board.
To give you some background, this was a big week for me. I enjoyed the company of some wonderful people over the Fourth of July weekend and truly had an awesome time. I've had a much shorter commute to work, thanks to a friend, and overall, things have been peachy. I got an all-expense paid ticket to a Braves game last night and they won, basically rubbing the opponent's nose in their victory with a 9-1 final score. Everything I touch this week turns to gold. But, the real bell-ringer is that I was presented with a blessing that will allow me to be a bit more financially comfortable and to do some things that I really only dreamed about doing before Tuesday afternoon. Pretty amazing how things can look so different from one day to the next.
This sudden and unexpected turn of financial events got my mind racing. What to do, what to do? And then it hit me. You know, after I weeded through all of the Dave-Ramsey-isms in my head. I intend to listen to them... a little. In February, I dove into something that I was unable to fulfill because of financial reasons. Head-first, I decided then that this was the right course of action for me and totally had the air let out of my balloon when I realized how much it was going to cost. A girl on a budget who works for a small, non-profit isn't really what you'd call "rollin' in it." So, it went to the back burner until one of those days when I happened to rub the right lamp somewhere and a genie popped out, ready to grant three of my top one-hundred wishes.
Now, that giant speed bump in the shape of a dollar sign has been eliminated. And I'm petrified at the reality of the decision. I know that I need to relax and resist the urge to make rash decisions, as if somehow my changed financial outlook might melt away or like there's a bonfire burning holes in my wallet. Granted, this winfall isn't enough to change the world or really change the rest of my life. It's something that could make some future decisions easier and definitely provide me with a nice, little, just-in-case cushion. But, if I make this particular decision with it, it could change my life.
Okay, so I know what you're thinking. Relax. No gender changes here. I'm quite satisfied with my feminity and like dresses, makeup and all other womanly accessories entirely too much to even fathom a team-change. And I like boys. A lot. Which hopefully isn't news to you, at this point. I'm considering a game-changer/life-changer and granted, it may be partially for the wrong reasons, but I'm considering it nonetheless.
I'm thinking of having weight loss surgery.
Besides my overall health and chances of living longer, which are the obvious and primary reasons, there's this little, lonely, single girl in the back of my mind saying "Do it, Melanie... do it." This little, lonely, single girl has tried diligently to overcome the stigma and stereotypes associated with plus-sexy women for years and continuously failed. She's exuded confidence, sported some dead sexy outfits, been friendly and outgoing, flirtatious and fascinating. But, she's scared to death she's never going to find someone who can see past the fact that she's not a size 6 and he will miss out on all of the wonderfulness she has to offer. Scared...to...death. But is that the reason that I'm not dating someone? Are men rejecting me because I'm plus-sexy? Sure. I know it for a fact. I'm sure it hasn't been the case with all of them, but I've heard "Well, Melanie's a sweet girl, but..." and "Well, she has a pretty face, but..." countless times. I'm not looking for pity or intending to wallow in self-deprecation, but, it's a fact and a part of my history in Singledom. Society creates an image of a man who dates a plus-sexy woman as one who has settled or has somehow lost the dating game and gotten stuck with the runt of the litter. The other side of that coin is that plus-sexy women should be grateful for whatever they can get and willing to settle for the first man who comes along regardless of what he has to offer. It's not fair. And I want out. I'm not the runt of the litter; I'm not someone to settle for; I'm freaking fantastic, but many times I have a plus-sexy wall between that fantastic and the men I'm trying to get through to.
So, there it is Singletons and Marrieds. There's my current "heart on my sleeve" moment. I'm not going to rush into the decision. Four days ago I didn't even think surgery would ever be a financial option for me, so to jump into it would be silly and shock my system. We'll see which way the wind blows. Maybe I'll just pay men to go with me on exotic vacations until the money runs out. I'm not above it. Or maybe I'll take my sister's advice and buy a house. Although she wants me to buy one in my hometown, two hundred miles away from my job. Houses are less expensive there, but that's one hell of a commute... Are men attracted to hot cars like women are? Maybe I'll buy some super sexy sportscar man magnet. We'll see... We'll see.
I had weightloss surgery in Oct and I have not regretted it for a single moment. I did it for me, to be healthier. And anyone who says it's the easy way to lose weight needs to come a little closer so I can punch them in the face. It has been hard. I miss food. Food is such a big part of everyday life, it is used for celebration and sorrow. It is used as a social activity and I simply cannot eat very much. I get teased by friends for being the to-go box girl. I used food as a coping mechanism and it has been hard to find new ways to deal with stress, hurt feelings, happy feelings etc.
ReplyDeleteSurgery is also not the answer for everyone, but with my family history and my struggles to lose weight, I knew it was right for me. I don't think all of a sudden men wanted to date me because I am thinner and before I was heavier. I think I started to feel better, liked what I saw in the mirror, liked how my clothes fit, and all that was evident to others. I was (and am) happier and people want to be around people who are happy.
It has also been a life altering decision. I had to make changes in how and what I eat. And (much to my disappointment) exercise is still required. It is not a magic pill no matter how much I wanted to wake up in the hospital all skinny. It still takes work and you have to remain aware of food and what you are eating. Anyone can get in the calories if they try hard enough. Surgery is a tool, but it won't fix underlying issues and it can be defeated if someone tries hard enough.
Whatever decision you make, I wish you the best of luck. And if you have any questions I am more than happy to answer them.
E, thank you so much. I'm inspired by those who have made this decision and know the work involved first-hand. My mother had weight loss surgery about seven years ago and her life is very different today, but it was by no means easy. I never thought of missing food... a friend of mine who also had the surgery last year was telling me this week how she can't enjoy alcohol anymore. Her body metabolizes it differently and it makes her uncomfortable. It's things like that that, even though I know are different for everyone, that I want to know ahead of time, should I decide to go this route. Thank you for so openly sharing this and I will definitely call on your expertise should I decide to make this life altering decision.
ReplyDeleteI am by no means unhappy because I'm overweight or unhappy in life in general. I know if I am able to lose weight, regardless of the means, I will simply increase my happiness and make me feel better about myself, as you said. There's no lacking of laughing and happiness for this girl, that's for sure! I will surely keep you posted...
I did the lap band in 2006. Best move of my life. I feel (am actually am) healthier!
ReplyDeleteI chose the lap band because it is adjustable and (if necessary) reversible. It was less invasive than gastric by-pass. I had the surgery on a Thursday and was back at work the following Monday. Gastric puts you out for a few weeks.
Just my two cents.
RT
Thanks, RT. I may call on you for further advice if I decide to go the surgery route, too. Each time I think about it, I have different thoughts and views, so very obviously I shouldn't be making a decision either way at this point. I want to be sure, whichever way I go.
ReplyDeleteAlright, I will be the party pooper and say that I am against the weight-loss surgery approach. I think those should be reserved for people who are, say 400 lbs, or heavier (although I did see a 445 lb woman lose 245 lbs in a year on the biggest loser).
ReplyDeleteI've never been overweight and never had any weight loss surgery, but from your headshot I can't imagine you being deathly obese. I think weight loss surgery is just like winning the lottery - if you don't have the proper tools before you go into it then you could end up in the same boat 5-10 years from now.
If you have been trying by yourself maybe you should get a professional trainer and dietician for a year to see what type of results you can get. I just don't agree with going under the knife unless you have to.
And I'm sure there are underlying psychological issues with self-esteem and what not. Maybe guys do like skinnier girls, but that doesn't mean that you are going to like those guys. I don't want attention because I have big boobs, a small waist, and a big butt. I want to find the guy who likes the whole package. Because someday those skinny girls are going to have kids, and I would hope their shallow boyfriends have grown up, but sometimes they don't.
Ultimately, it is your decision, but I vote (if I get a vote) that you exhaust the other possibilities completely before you volunteer for surgery. Just my opinion.
Actually, Lissa, this is exactly the route I've decided to take. I thought and thought and realized that surgery is going to take a serious commitment; one that I have yet to give to diet and exercise. I don't want to go the extreme route if I haven't tried the less extreme route to the fullest of my ability. If I am not where I want to be next Fourth of July, I will begin to contemplate weight loss surgery again. I intend to commit to an exercise program (probably with a personal trainer, I'm clueless about the science of exercise) and to Weight Watchers (I'm about three months in already). And in the meantime, if I date, I date. If I don't date, it's not the end of the world. And quite honestly, my confidence and self-esteem have sky-rocketed in the last three months since dropping a few pounds and I have started to notice some extra male attention, hopefully generated more by my increased confidence and less by my decreased weight.
ReplyDeleteAwesome!! Yay!! You can do it!! I, myself, am battling the 'near 30' bulge that happens when your metabolism catches up with you. I'm trying to get back to the gym (hopefully 2-3 times/wk) as well!!
ReplyDeleteLissa, we'll keep each other in check then! :)
ReplyDelete