Hot and Heavy

So, after some internal debate, I decided that I have absolutely nothing to lose (but my sanity) by giving a couple of free online dating sites another chance.  But, I hate myself a little bit for it.  I hit the pavement running and dove right back in, scouring the search function of Plentyoffish.com and hopefully popping up in all the new matches emails because of my recent flux of activity.  This time around, I've decided to take a different route.  I'm not sending ambiguous "Hey, how are you? What do you like to do in your spare time?" boring, ho-hum emails.  I'm going to be me, to be witty, to be off the wall and attention-getting.  If the gentlemen on the receiving end aren't interested in my brand of humor, then by all means, they don't have to respond.  But, I've already hooked one!  We'll get to him in a second.  Also, I intend to remain the non-aggressor from this point forward.  I will not be doing any of the asking-out; I will not be instigating the phone numbers exchange; I will not cross the line with inappropriate texting (I know that really has nothing to do with being the aggressor; I just need to get that out there so you can hold me accountable.); and I will not act in any way other than a female who wants to be pursued by a male.  Period.  Fin. End of story.  Urgh.

"What? I've found a baby before."

Within one hour of my reinstatement to Plentyoffish.com, I have discovered and exchanged five emails with a young man (not creating a cougar status just yet, but if he were a couple of years younger, you'd probably hint at it) who had a profile like none I'd ever read before.  In it, he quoted some of my favorite movies, made obscure pop culture references that delighted me to my core, and basically said "Here I am, take me or leave me."  I love it.  He's only listed as interested in friendship, but you know, with my recent track record, I think that's probably a good approach.  As I mentioned before, Plentyoffish doesn't let you wimp out and wink at people, oh no.  You have to put actual words on the screen to begin a conversation, so I emailed him.  Because he responded immediately, allow me to introduce you to Mr. Hangover.  No, he's not a drunk.  Well, that I know of...yet.  He's very obviously a fan of Zach (however you say his last name who played Alan in "The Hangover") and has pictures of himself being attacked by a stuffed white tiger and eating a giant, white chocolate covered, Butterfinger topped rice crispies treat on a stick.  Dreamy.  He was allowed to get away with several Harry Potter references only because he's pretty cute but lost me about three emails in when he started talking about The Matrix.  I hated that movie.  Notice I only noted one movie.  I couldn't bring myself to sit through the other two because I'd spent the whole first one wondering if I could possibly be too stupid to grasp the plot or if everyone else had just been pretending to be that smart.

So far so good.  I know that five email exchanges in an hour does not a marriage partner make, but it is a good start to Online Dating Round Two (actually, it's probably more like Round Twenty, but I lost count so long ago that I figure it's time to just start over.  Plus it looks less pathetic.).  And an even better start considering my new outlook (blog material first and foremost), approach (just lay it out there and see if any of these "fish" bite) and goal (get past the first date, Melanie, you don't have to marry one of these guys, just get a damn second date!).  

Sidenote, since we're on the topic of online dating:  I discovered yet another downside to yesterday when I opened my personal inbox.  There, I found an influx of political-themed forwards from an email address that I didn't instantly recognize.  I repeated the name to myself a couple of times (I'm sure I had a puzzled look on my face) until the lightbulb above my head came on.  Mr. Morals.  Hello again, Mr. Morals, and thank you for adding me to your forwards distribution list.  I resisted both temptations to write to him directly and ask what was for dinner and to write to the entire group and ask how many of them had given him their email address through an online dating site and never gotten past the text message level.  I wondered if he was clever enough to include me in this list as a way of having his name pass across my desk again.  So, I did email him and just apologize for my lack of communication over the last weeks, explaining that I'd disappeared out of frustration with several online matches who refused to move past text messaging to face-to-face communications.  That was almost 24 hours ago and I've received no response.  I'm assuming he took it personally.